Packin' party

My friend suggested that Gabe and I throw a packing party. I thought that was a great idea and it turned out to be a smash. I had fun, and I think every one felt as though they had accomplished something. And they most certainly did! My kitchen is completely packed. Which is no small feat as the kitchen is HUGE. As in, it has a couch and full dining room table in it.

It was as good as a Christmas present as any of them could've given me. And as my time as a regular Burbankian draws to a close, every opportunity to spend time with my pals is precious.

We're off to Phoenix today to cash in on a wedding present. My mom got us tickets to a Rams game, playing the Cardinals. It should be great fun, love the live sports!!

Wheeeeeeeeee!

Luckily, I am not in charge of this whole moving thing. That honor belongs to Gabe, which is fine by me. If I were team captain, we would've started packing in November and not gotten anything really done until January 1st. There would be a lot more fretting and sleepless nights.

It's weird and wonderful to be so completely trusting in another person. So much so that moving my life to a different location is gladly thrust into his hands. I'm not saying that I couldn't do it on my own, or that I'm a helpless girlie. Y'all just know that ain't true. But I am happy to do my part in this marriage and let him do his.

On a different note, I have been officially off of work for 2 days now and I am proud to say I already forgot what day it was one time! That's my favorite part of long vacations: completely disregarding clocks and schedules. When I'm working I am all about times and dates, which day of the week I have a free minute to do what ever I need to get done.

This feels really good, to be free for a while. And not knowing exactly what the future holds is more exciting now that the "future" I've been talking about for so long has technically arrived. Like I have found again and again, when I am willing to take that leap of faith all kinds of possibilities become available.

I'm so happy to be having this experience. Life feels all new and fresh. I am learning new ways to love and trust. I am open to the possibilities. I am free, yet secure. I am practically effervescing! As if you couldn't tell. Wheeeeeee!

Last day

Boy, am I glad that's over.

Merry Christmas.

Ahhhhhh...

I can't seem to find the words that describe how happy I am that it's Friday.
So I am reduced to this:

Yeeeeeeeee-HAW!
WHOOPEE!
YAY YAY YAY!

Sorry I'm usually not this incoherent... but this is my last Friday at the Glendale frame. EVER!

There. Ever. I said it.

Surreal life

Yesterday my co-workers surprised me with a going away present. It was very sweet, considering how cranky I've been with all of them during my time here. I am realizing that I am getting better at keeping my opinions to myself, both verbally and non-verbally (i.e. I don't roll my eyes at people any more). That must make me a much more pleasant person!

At any rate, it's becoming very surreal that I am 22 working hours away from being out of this place I've worked in most of the past 8 years. I'm not sad to leave it, it's not the cheeriest of places. No windows, cement floors and fluorescent lighting. I've had a difficult time with some of my co-workers, and although that seems to be getting better I'll still be glad to move on from here. Also, there is no company parking (or street parking!) so we must fend for ourselves.

The brightest spot for me at this work location has been my boss. She's also in recovery so we speak the same language. I get all my work done and do it well and she lets me read at my desk with out any hassle. I'll be sorry to lose her guidance and support.

The point is: I'm leaving this office! I can't bring myself to say forever yet. Maybe it's superstitious nonsense but I just can't say it yet. I don't really believe it yet. Yet, yet, yet. Give me some time away and I think I'll change my tune. Heh, heh.

Countdowns aplenty

I have been in therapy for 10 years, seeing the same woman the whole time. I started seeing her when I was 21 years old. I was not sane. I saw her 2 times a week for a while, I think on two separate occasions. I used to go into our Saturday morning sessions so drunk from the night before that I couldn't sit up in the chair.

Last night we had our final regular therapy session, and it was very emotional. It's strange to look into the face of some one who knows all your deepest crap and not be afraid or ashamed. I feel happy, free and able. She said she was very proud of how far I had come.

Looking back, I see a road paved with all the help and support of not only my therapist, but the friends I have made in Alcoholics Anonymous. I have no fear that anything that I hold dear will slip away from me when I move. I have no fear that I'm going to forget or be forgotten.

Whew! I feel all emotional and stuff.

It's raining in my kitchen

Wow what a great party Saturday night. I've hardly been able to wait to write about it, but I was hoping to have some pictures. Oh well, I can't wait any longer!

I had super amounts of fun at our send-off party Saturday night. We have an amazing group of people in our lives! And although it's only 3 hours away, right now it seems awfully far. I've had a lot of reassurance that it's not, and that true friendships stand the test of distance.

Any way, the party was awesome. Good food, great friends and a lot of laughter. Every one looked happy and although I didn't get to talk to anyone as much as I wanted, hopefully no one felt neglected or ignored. And did I say the food was good? YUM

There was video camera set up upstairs for people to say little good-bye messages to us. We're going to wait til we're up there to look at it. It should be funny if not a little sentimental.

And after almost every one left, we played this game called Apples to Apples. If you haven't played it, you might want to soon. It's SO cool. I almost lost my voice from yelling so much. It's not a quiet game...

Sunday morning I woke up and went to the fridge for my morning diet Coke, only to have water fall on me from the ceiling. I had to wake up Gabe to a little mini-waterfall in the kitchen. Then I had to leave and when I came home there were to moderately large holes in the ceiling. They might actually have to get bigger... Ugh, plumbing. But at least this happened while we're still here, and not when the new tenants just moved in and us 3 hours away!

Always something to be grateful for... always. I had a whole weekend of grateful. I'm chock full today too.

Family Portrait

Recently my sister in law turned twenty-something (I'll never tell 'em, Mia) and we went out for dinner. We didn't think the camera was working, so we all got extremely relaxed about the photo-taking. I love this picture, it reminds me of family, love and fun. I thought I'd share it with you and hope you have an evening like this with people you enjoy sometime very, very soon.

Dude.

I'm SO excited. I'm SO sad. I'm SO not looking forward to packing. I'm SO looking forward to moving forward. I'm SO everything.

Last night was the first time that I sat in my normal Tuesday night women's meeting and thought about not being there every week. That led to a little weepiness. Hey, I'm a crier, I'm all right with it (mostly). Then my sponsor called me and was nice to me and that just sent me over the edge. It's hard to let people be gentle and loving. It makes me feel vulnerable. But if I've learned anything over the past 5 years or so, women have a certain way of loving that makes me feel safe enough to just go ahead and cry.

So I did.

Deeply sleepy

I'm so tired today. It's hard for me to get to sleep on time, considering "on time" would be some where around 9 o'clock. Forget that! The past 8 years at this new position, my hours have gotten earlier and earlier. I am now scheduled to work 6am-2:30pm. Yikes!

I shoot for 10pm but somehow it's always closer to 11 by the time I actually get into bed. Thankfully, once I decide to go to sleep I'm instantly comatose. It's a gift, really.

Now, I'm a night owl and get a hoot (sorry) out of staying up as late as possible. It seems to me I'm going against my very nature by getting in bed anytime before midnight. But because I like to worry about things that haven't happened yet, I've decided to have anxiety about getting to set my own hours.

I have learned to appreciate being up before any one else: no traffic, no lines at the grocery store or mall, clean air and maybe a majestic sunrise or two. I like having a lot of day left when I get off of work. But then again, I probably won't be working anywhere near as much as I do now. So who cares when my day starts and ends?

Me. I am afraid of so many silly things. They're so silly, I can't even tell you about them. Just trust me, they're ridiculous.

What it really is, is that I'm having so much fun and I'm loving life so much that I really want my cake and eat it too. Up early, bed late and then nap during the day. That's what I do now. Unfortunately, I'm not 23 anymore and my body actually shuts down on me and like a donkey refuses to move forward.

So once again, it's all about balance and taking care of myself. I swear this spiritual stuff leaves no stone unturned, no avenue of life unexamined. Thank goodness!

Job opportunities

When I was 18, I got a job at the phone company where my mom worked. At that point, I had no ambitions, no desire to do anything to make money to have a roof over my head and some cash to party with. Liking one's job was a foreign concept, and any type of competitive career was not interesting to me. I was simply resigned to being a permanent fixture on the employee roster at Pacific Bell. I wasn't particularly bummed out about it either. It was a good job with great benefits, PacBell payed well and it was a union gig.

It never occured to me that all that "it's a good job" stuff was a rationalization for staying in a place that really was making me miserable. I'm not happy with what is now AT&T. I never was, but I didn't see an alternative to being there for ever, so I just told myself that everything was "fine."

Now I realize that part of the happy, fulfilled life I've been trying to live for the past 8 years means doing something with my time that actually makes me happy and fulfilled. I never thought what I wanted to be when I grew up. Gabe is the one who fostered my ability to look outside the box with what I am going to do with my precious time.

I realized my husband was right, that I'm not a drone. That yes, I can technically retire from the phone company at 48, but that's 17 years away. Do I really see myself being at AT&T for another 2 decades? The old scared me says YES, but that is a rapidly diminishing character trait, being replaced by a faith-filled me going "Oh hell no." It's taken a lot of people's support and input, but I seem to be in an open-minded, willing spot.

So Friday I emailed Weight Watchers to inquire about their job opportunities in the area I am relocating to. I am very excited that I found the courage to do that, and that I'm actually interested in seeing if it's a good fit for me. I found some ambition!

I'll let you know what happens.

Tagged?

I have been tagged. I'm not quite sure what that means exactly but apparently I must now give you 7 random facts about myself.
Here they are in no specific order:

1. I love my family more than I ever thought I would. I used to feel like I didn't belong to them or with them at all, and now all I want to do is spend time with them, talk to them and generally show them I love them.

2. Here's an obvious one: I'm a really sappy person.

3. I love smells. Pumpkin, tuberose and cinnamon buns top my list right now.

4. I just came from an AA anniversary party, celebrating a friend's 4th year of sobriety.

5. I have a hot pink rug, robe and towels in my bathroom. I just fell in love with hot pink one day recently and got inspired to literally bathe in it.

6. I watch more sports than you probably ever will, or ever even want to. Go Lakers! Go Angels! Go Green Bay!

7. From the second I met him, my husband has always been my favorite person. Even when we didn't talk for a year, I just adored him from afar.

No big news, for once

Well, I don't have any birth or home announcements, and no pictures to share today (yet). But I love this blogging thing! I'm so happy I started it. Thanks to all who helped me have the guts to try. I don't have any political agenda or any thought that what I'm saying is really all that important. But I do feel like it's a good way to let people know what's going on, and even find out what's going on with myself. Very illuminating...

I saw my cousin's baby again yesterday, she's beautiful although not a great conversationalist. We'll give that some time though. I really feel this sense of, not urgency, but strong desire to be there for my cousin as much as I can right now. As of now, I can offer my physical presence, and I won't be able to in a few weeks. I don't know if I'm helping her at all, but at least I am there if I can be of some assistance.

That holds true with my friends, too. I want to see them more and do the hanging out thing. It's not like we're never coming back down here, and I'm only going to be 3 hours away. BUT! I've never done this before, so I don't truly know what it's going to be like.

Such an adventure!

Score!

So, more happy news! We got the place we were trying to rent. It looks pretty nice, and although I've never seen it, I trust Gabe's taste and he thinks it's pretty special. I think it's nice to have a vision of where we're going. It's so pretty!

I am a little apprehensive. It's just another proof that we're moving, that it's definitely happening, that I'm going to live somewhere other than Burbank. I know there are no big deals, but this feels like at least a moderately-sized deal. So I'm treating it as such, I'm trying to have a hands-off approach while doing the footwork. It seems to be keeping me calm so far.

Gabe's home!

So, my husband is home. After 5 days of manning the store and house hunting, he is returned to me.

And it seems like we're going to get the place we want. We're supposed to find out tomorrow whether or not we got it. I would love it, it's a beautiful house. At least it is from the pics I've seen, and Gabe is really high on it.

I've posted a sample picture from our formal wedding shots. It's one of my favorites but it's pretty hard to chose which one I like best. Thank you Jenn, you did an awesome job!