Monday Musings

I am still waiting to hear back from Trader Joe's. I wish they'd call me already! I hate waiting. I would like everything that I want to happen to happen immediately when I want it to. I don't know if you can identify with that.

That, however, does not fall under the category of enjoying the journey. Seeing as that has been my focus the last few months, I will try to fit this job hunt thing into that too. I guess, if I have to. I haven't died in the past week any way so a couple more hours can't hurt.

Something that I'm really dealing with right now is not wanting to sing. I finally get exactly what I want and now I'm so afraid I'm practically paralyzed. It's really scary to me how strong my fears can get, and how much damage they can do to my life if I let them. I am determined to fight through my fear and do what needs to be done, regardless of my feelings.

Feelings are not facts. The fact is that if I blow this opportunity I am going to kick myself. I don't want to do that any more. So I'm going to put on my big girl pants on and act grown up about the whole thing. As in be responsible, do my homework, show up and put forth my best effort.

New Experience Alert!

I have never gone on a job interview. That is until yesterday, when I interviewed for a job at Trader Joe's. Oooh, I'm so excited. I could hardly sleep last night after having such an exciting day. Now we play the waiting game to find out if I got the job, which is an excitement all to itself. I know, I know, I'm easily entertained.

I think I would like to have a part-time job. Let's face it, money's tight all over and good benefits are hard to come by for a bipolar alcoholic like myself. And if you can come by them, they are not cheap.

Then there is the fun factor. I think I would have a great time working there. I realize work is work, but I think I will finally get an opportunity to work for fun and for free, and see what that's truly like. Because while I tried to maintain that attitude at the phone company, I failed miserably. All the TJ's employees I have talked to in the past couple of years have nothing but good things to say about working there.

So, in a nutshell, YAY! I'm so stoked for this. I know that it's not going to be all sunshine and rainbows. I'm worried that it will cut into my singing stuff. There's all kinds of X factors, such as management and co-workers being difficult or not liking my hours. However, I am pretty sure that I will be able to take these things in stride, and maintain my serenity.

Happy random Friday thoughts

Ah, spring! I am so happy it's spring-y outside. I am not a cold weather person. One of the ways I knew Gabe was perfect for me was when he said he would never live in a place where it snows. Yes, I make major life decisions based on climate. It's a huge part of life! Don't judge.

Yesterday I went to Ken the Keyboarder's house and we "jammed." That's musician speak for getting together and playing random music. It seems like things are going well. I really like singing, but I'm still a little timid. It's been a while and I'm rusty. Occasionally I'll have bursts of letting go, but it's very vulnerable. I just have to build a little confidence in myself. The only way to do that is to sing more.

So I'll probably take some lessons or some singing classes. It would be optimal to do it in a group setting, to get to know people and also to get used to singing in front of groups again. I'm excited.

Also exciting is that our honeymoon is coming up. We're going to Orlando to explore the Disneyverse. I am doing research like a crazy person, and I'm having lots of fun figuring it all out.

So much fun in fact, that I realize it's been a week since I talked to any of my friends. I have done some emailing and a little instant messaging but I think it's a bad idea to get out of touch with what is still my home base for now, as far as my support network.

Oh, and I need your help again. I am still looking for song suggestions, but now I have more of a focus. I'm looking for pop, standards and easier listening. Stuff that's pretty popular. Think Norah Jones, Colbie Caillat, Michelle Branch. I know it's not exactly thrilling but I'm really able to nail that stuff. And that's what I need to get my confidence up.

Back from Burbank

I had such a good time in Burbank. I'm glad that I stayed longer than I wanted to because I got to hang out with a pair of girlfriends for four hours that felt like 20 minutes yesterday.

We got home about 2:30 this morning and I was so stoked to get to sleep in my own bed. There's no place like home. And this is my home now. It feels weird saying that because so much of my heart is in Burbank still, beating along with my home group and all of my friends.

But the cool thing about people is that we're portable! So all of those people that inhabit Burbank are free to wander up to see us, and of course I'm free to wander down there to see them. I have been talking to my girlfriends more regularly on the phone since I moved and really getting to invest time in friendship. I don't feel forgotten or abandoned as I might have feared.

I went to the women's meeting on Tuesday and my heart was bursting the whole time. It was absolutely exhilarating to be in that room with all that energy just bouncing off the walls. Even though I can't attend regularly, it's nice to know that meeting is pouring all that juice into the universe every week.

And unfortunately I didn't get to hang out with every one that I would have liked to, but I did get to talk a few people's ears off. That was SO MUCH FUN!

To all my Burbank friends: it was great to see you, if only for a few moments. Just your proximity filled my tank. I feel great.

Set List

For those of you interested (hi Mom!) I have put together a little set list of songs I will hope to be singing at a coffee shop near you... er, near me.

Don't Know Why (Norah Jones)
Chain of Fools (I like the Commitments version)
You Don't Know Me (standard)
Fire (Pointer Sisters)
Good Lovin' (the Rascals)
Ain't No Sunshine (Bill Withers)
Heard it Through the Grapevine (Marvin Gaye version)
Stand By Me (Ben E. King)
Moondance (Van Morrison)
Fever (standard)
Bubbly (Colbie Caillat)


and I have 3 Bonnie Raitt songs in contention: Have a Heart, I Can't Make You Love Me, and Thing Called Love.

As you might figure, I loves me some Bonnie. If you know these 3 songs and have a preference please vote.

I love the input I received. Keep it coming. I don't know how much control/input I'm going to have with this duo thing but I love to hear your opinions any way.

Also, tell me what you think of the set list. I know it's kind of generic. I think our goal is to be as vanilla whitebread as possible. Which isn't exactly "sexy" but it will probably get us more gigs. And gig=good!

Crafty!

I liked doing this cross stitch because it required effort and concentration, mixed with some pretty immediate gratification. Plus the message was very Zen, so I didn't feel like I had to hurry up and get to the finished product.

My friend Jennie arrived last night and we don't have any plans but I'm sure something will come out of the day. It's so relaxing up here that it's tempting not to do anything but look out the window and watch the yard react to the sunlight. Still, I'm pretty sure we'll go to Cambria and follow Highway 1 down to Morro Bay, then cut across back home. Maybe this time I'll take some pictures! Duh...

I hope to remember that life is a journey today, and stop trying so hard to arrive at whatever I have decided is my destination.