It's so weird, in two days we're going to be paying a visit to Burbank. You all know the story: I grew up there, I've never lived anywhere else. The transition is easier than I thought it was going to be. It's amazing how adaptable humans are to their conditions.
I don't know how I'm going to feel, if I am going to want to stay there for as long as possible or if I'm going to be itching to come back to SLO county. I'm starting to feel like home is really where my husband and dog are. That geography doesn't have anything to do with that feeling of comfort and security.
I am excited to see my girlfriends and family, but that's pretty much the only reason I can think of to go back to Burbank now. I have found reasonable substitutes for all the things I do, which honestly isn't much: AA meetings, Weight Watchers meetings, exercise classes, grocery shopping. Um, I guess I live a pretty simple life. I like it!
I have been doing a lot of art projects, nothing fancy just paint-by-number kinds of stuff. But I've created some things I am proud of, and look at this as a stepping stone to original art. On the recommendation of Kate I started reading/doing The Artist's Way, a book by Julia Cameron. If you're at all interested in being creative, I would suggest picking it up. I have had a few friends simply rave about their experience with this workbook.
I am working at Good Nite Mattress part time and just put in an application at Weight Watchers. I'm hoping to be successful at the former, and we'll see what happens with the latter. Whatever my employment situation is, I am almost positive that it will be more satisfying/fulfilling/enjoyable and less draining than working in the Glendale frame.
I'm also learning how to manage and balance my time in a less structured environment. There's a trick to it, which involves initiative and self-discipline. I haven't exactly figured it all out, but I'm pretty satisfied with my attempts thus far. I know I still have a long way to go with all this, my journey to a different kind of life has hardly begun!
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
A good meeting is hard to find
I have found some really nice people in "north county" SLO at AA meetings. And after about 7 meetings and being handed 4 anonymous phone lists, two women in Atascadero gave me their numbers personally. Most people say welcome to me in their shares, but not many women come up after meetings to shake my hand.
While I am getting the recovery out of the meetings, I am not really feeling any fellowship. Now I know this is not all every one else's fault. It's my job to put myself out there. I do try, I am just not vibing on any one.
So today I got up early and drove to San Luis Obispo and went to the Melody Group. Wow. Big difference. Which was nice because I was starting to believe that maybe it was all me. But people came up to me, women threw their numbers at me and insisted I call them. I got invited back and told they couldn't wait to meet my sober husband.
It was almost like being in Burbank.
What?! I said almost! Nothing will ever compare to my experience at the Burbank group, and no one will ever replace my girl troops. But I definitely need to build up some friendly faces around here.
That being said, I am very excited for our visit to Burbank at the end of this week. I am stoked, what with coffee with the girls and the Super Bowl, not to mention the chance to go to my favoritest ever meeting, the women's Tuesday night. I will also hopefully get a chance to see my cousin and her little family.
I never took my experience of living in Burbank for granted, and I'm happy to not have any regrets about leaving. It was great to live there, good shopping, fabulous friends, great AA. I do miss those things, but I'm still happy we're here.
While I am getting the recovery out of the meetings, I am not really feeling any fellowship. Now I know this is not all every one else's fault. It's my job to put myself out there. I do try, I am just not vibing on any one.
So today I got up early and drove to San Luis Obispo and went to the Melody Group. Wow. Big difference. Which was nice because I was starting to believe that maybe it was all me. But people came up to me, women threw their numbers at me and insisted I call them. I got invited back and told they couldn't wait to meet my sober husband.
It was almost like being in Burbank.
What?! I said almost! Nothing will ever compare to my experience at the Burbank group, and no one will ever replace my girl troops. But I definitely need to build up some friendly faces around here.
That being said, I am very excited for our visit to Burbank at the end of this week. I am stoked, what with coffee with the girls and the Super Bowl, not to mention the chance to go to my favoritest ever meeting, the women's Tuesday night. I will also hopefully get a chance to see my cousin and her little family.
I never took my experience of living in Burbank for granted, and I'm happy to not have any regrets about leaving. It was great to live there, good shopping, fabulous friends, great AA. I do miss those things, but I'm still happy we're here.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Sold a bed!
Oh my goodness I just sold a bed. It was the easiest sale ever but I was very nervous. I am still shaking from the experience.
Being an avid shopper, I have many times seen my card be swiped and even swiped it a few times myself. But never before have I swiped some one else's card. I'm so grateful I didn't screw it up. It's practically foolproof, but hey. It's the little things right?
Dude. I'm a salesperson. That's crazy.
Ok I'm done, just thought I'd share.
Being an avid shopper, I have many times seen my card be swiped and even swiped it a few times myself. But never before have I swiped some one else's card. I'm so grateful I didn't screw it up. It's practically foolproof, but hey. It's the little things right?
Dude. I'm a salesperson. That's crazy.
Ok I'm done, just thought I'd share.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Soapbox moment
I was literally born in Hollywood. I went to school in Burbank, which is a studio town. They shot Wonder Years at my high school, and the girl in my geometry class had a sitcom. I actually married a child actor (when he grew up, of course).
What I'm trying to say is: I know that being in "the industry" is not all glamour shots and gala parties. The bloom fell off the rose for me a long time ago as far as all that goes. I've met too many transplants who have come to Hollywood to be some one, to just end up waiting tables and just plain waiting.
The media is riveted on celebrities and their DUI's, jail time and nightclub shenanigans. I try not to pay attention, and I still know that Lindsay is a chronic relapser, and that Kiefer just got released from his little stint in jail. The press obviously thinks it's great that these people are dealing with the deadly disease of alcoholism.
Well, it's all fun & games 'til some one dies. And this week two very young people did just that. One guy you might not know, Brad Renfro, was 25. The other, who had gained quite a bit of stardom over the last few years, Heath Ledger, was 28. Listen, I'm not one for social commentary of any kind, but let me stand on my soapbox for a minute.
It's sad that alcoholism is still something to be laughed at, that the general public thinks it's delicious to see an obviously wasted celebutante slumped over in a car, passed out. It's awful that some one can't walk into a rehab with out 500 paparazzo documenting their every move. I can't claim to know how they feel, but when I went into rehab I was not feeling like getting my picture taken.
If you are suffering with the disease of alcoholism, know that help is always always always just a phone call away. Remember these two young men that died so that maybe you don't have to. I hate to be all melodramatic but this is a life-threatening disease.
Obviously, I'm feeling grief from the deaths of two people I didn't even know. That's because I feel that I (and many people I know and love) have escaped that same kind of end. It's too bad that two young men had to die, but there's no reason we can't take something away from their deaths. Maybe we can feel gratitude that we've made it this far, and hope that if we stay sober there is a solution to any and all problems we have.
What I'm trying to say is: I know that being in "the industry" is not all glamour shots and gala parties. The bloom fell off the rose for me a long time ago as far as all that goes. I've met too many transplants who have come to Hollywood to be some one, to just end up waiting tables and just plain waiting.
The media is riveted on celebrities and their DUI's, jail time and nightclub shenanigans. I try not to pay attention, and I still know that Lindsay is a chronic relapser, and that Kiefer just got released from his little stint in jail. The press obviously thinks it's great that these people are dealing with the deadly disease of alcoholism.
Well, it's all fun & games 'til some one dies. And this week two very young people did just that. One guy you might not know, Brad Renfro, was 25. The other, who had gained quite a bit of stardom over the last few years, Heath Ledger, was 28. Listen, I'm not one for social commentary of any kind, but let me stand on my soapbox for a minute.
It's sad that alcoholism is still something to be laughed at, that the general public thinks it's delicious to see an obviously wasted celebutante slumped over in a car, passed out. It's awful that some one can't walk into a rehab with out 500 paparazzo documenting their every move. I can't claim to know how they feel, but when I went into rehab I was not feeling like getting my picture taken.
If you are suffering with the disease of alcoholism, know that help is always always always just a phone call away. Remember these two young men that died so that maybe you don't have to. I hate to be all melodramatic but this is a life-threatening disease.
Obviously, I'm feeling grief from the deaths of two people I didn't even know. That's because I feel that I (and many people I know and love) have escaped that same kind of end. It's too bad that two young men had to die, but there's no reason we can't take something away from their deaths. Maybe we can feel gratitude that we've made it this far, and hope that if we stay sober there is a solution to any and all problems we have.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Good Nite Mattress
I am learning how to sell mattresses. It doesn't seem to be all that complex of a deal.
However. Like many things that appear to be simple, there is definitely an art to it. I want to learn this art! I find myself desiring to be not just a mattress-hawker but a true sleep specialist. I am not being sarcastic.
This experience is really helping to expose my desire for excellence. I somewhere in my mind had realized long ago that I am a perfectionist, that I want excel at any and all things that I try. And more importantly, that I tend to give up on things that I don't excel at or perfect right away.
I'm going to attempt to be patient and self-accepting with my mistakes, blunders and general newness to the situation. Both Gabe and his partner believe that I will eventually be very good at selling mattresses. I have faith in myself too, but I like it that they seem so sure since they know more about it.
Last night I sat in the store all by myself, ready to sell, sell, sell. I was only alone there for an hour and a half, and we were pretty sure no one would come in. But the point is: I was prepared to give it a shot, without being completely sure of myself.
Being willing to make a mistake or look foolish is a new thing for me (some of you might identify with this). So I'm very excited about my "bravery" last night. Hopefully I can continue in this mode of thinking and experiencing and let things flow naturally instead of turning into Mrs. Type A personality.
But hey, while we're on the topic... Wanna buy a bed?
However. Like many things that appear to be simple, there is definitely an art to it. I want to learn this art! I find myself desiring to be not just a mattress-hawker but a true sleep specialist. I am not being sarcastic.
This experience is really helping to expose my desire for excellence. I somewhere in my mind had realized long ago that I am a perfectionist, that I want excel at any and all things that I try. And more importantly, that I tend to give up on things that I don't excel at or perfect right away.
I'm going to attempt to be patient and self-accepting with my mistakes, blunders and general newness to the situation. Both Gabe and his partner believe that I will eventually be very good at selling mattresses. I have faith in myself too, but I like it that they seem so sure since they know more about it.
Last night I sat in the store all by myself, ready to sell, sell, sell. I was only alone there for an hour and a half, and we were pretty sure no one would come in. But the point is: I was prepared to give it a shot, without being completely sure of myself.
Being willing to make a mistake or look foolish is a new thing for me (some of you might identify with this). So I'm very excited about my "bravery" last night. Hopefully I can continue in this mode of thinking and experiencing and let things flow naturally instead of turning into Mrs. Type A personality.
But hey, while we're on the topic... Wanna buy a bed?
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Wonderland
No, this is not another ode to my new place.
I'm referring to the book Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass. Why? Oh why can't I read this book? I want to. It's just not grabbing me. I'm not dying to know the ending. I could really care less. Why is that weird?
Because I LOVE other Alice fiction. I read a book called Automated Alice by Jeff Noon that was very fun, and I've read several different Alice interpretation-type books the titles of which are not coming to mind right now. I thought, "Hey I should read the classic story. It's a wonder I never did before??"
Well, I stopped wondering because I realize that I've tried to read Alice before and always quit. I just don't like it. I want to like it, desperately. I know you bibliophiles feel me. In some odd way, if I could just read this book my have-read list will be greatly enhanced.
The whole reason this comes up is because I recently purchased The Looking Glass Wars by Frank Beddor. I had a harmless thought that reading the original Carroll version might be a fine thing to do before I tried this new one. Maybe it could enhance my reading pleasure. You know, like how knowing The Wizard of Oz helped me love love love Wicked.
Wrong, wrong and wrong again. Being a huge book reader, practically a speed reader, I can finish a pretty long book in 48 hours and still live a semi-normal life. 24 hours if I want to be a leeeeetle obsessive. Yet alas! I have been completely conquered by this slim volume.
I'm referring to the book Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass. Why? Oh why can't I read this book? I want to. It's just not grabbing me. I'm not dying to know the ending. I could really care less. Why is that weird?
Because I LOVE other Alice fiction. I read a book called Automated Alice by Jeff Noon that was very fun, and I've read several different Alice interpretation-type books the titles of which are not coming to mind right now. I thought, "Hey I should read the classic story. It's a wonder I never did before??"
Well, I stopped wondering because I realize that I've tried to read Alice before and always quit. I just don't like it. I want to like it, desperately. I know you bibliophiles feel me. In some odd way, if I could just read this book my have-read list will be greatly enhanced.
The whole reason this comes up is because I recently purchased The Looking Glass Wars by Frank Beddor. I had a harmless thought that reading the original Carroll version might be a fine thing to do before I tried this new one. Maybe it could enhance my reading pleasure. You know, like how knowing The Wizard of Oz helped me love love love Wicked.
Wrong, wrong and wrong again. Being a huge book reader, practically a speed reader, I can finish a pretty long book in 48 hours and still live a semi-normal life. 24 hours if I want to be a leeeeetle obsessive. Yet alas! I have been completely conquered by this slim volume.
Do you hate Alice too? Or am I a complete retard, unable to appreciate fine art?
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
No Internet
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! How in the world do people live with out internet at their fingertips every second of every day. I don't think I'm being funny either. See this face? Not laughing.
It especially blows if you're new to an area and don't even know where the library is. And the phone company isn't as vigilant as they used to be delivering the big, paper phone books. Do they even still do that?
Why am I asking you? I should probably know that already.
Anyway! We didn't have internet for a day and a half (insert AT&T customer service rant here)and it was difficult to function. Not to mention I spent most of Saturday and Sunday freaking out. I felt useless and like I wasn't doing anything. Which is actually what I'm supposed to be doing. I've actually been assigned to relax and follow my bliss. But can I just do that? Noooo.
So I whined to my husband. And he made some loving suggestions, which basically involved getting my head out of my bum and using the tools of Alcoholics Anonymous. Duh.
And I did! I wrote on Sunday night and went to an AA meeting Monday morning. I talked to a friend who made even more good suggestions. I did an exercise class last night and went to Weight Watchers this morning. I played some Wii, and gave myself permission to do a lot of that in the next few weeks.
It's hard to allow myself some freedom. I know what I would be doing if I were off in Burbank. I'd be making dates with all my gals and seeing them all day and going to the classes I normally attend and hitting the library and the shops. But that's all run, run, running. Here I am being gently guided to a slower pace, that involves less doing and more being. I like that, and I'm interested to see who I am with out all the activities I used to identify myself.
It especially blows if you're new to an area and don't even know where the library is. And the phone company isn't as vigilant as they used to be delivering the big, paper phone books. Do they even still do that?
Why am I asking you? I should probably know that already.
Anyway! We didn't have internet for a day and a half (insert AT&T customer service rant here)and it was difficult to function. Not to mention I spent most of Saturday and Sunday freaking out. I felt useless and like I wasn't doing anything. Which is actually what I'm supposed to be doing. I've actually been assigned to relax and follow my bliss. But can I just do that? Noooo.
So I whined to my husband. And he made some loving suggestions, which basically involved getting my head out of my bum and using the tools of Alcoholics Anonymous. Duh.
And I did! I wrote on Sunday night and went to an AA meeting Monday morning. I talked to a friend who made even more good suggestions. I did an exercise class last night and went to Weight Watchers this morning. I played some Wii, and gave myself permission to do a lot of that in the next few weeks.
It's hard to allow myself some freedom. I know what I would be doing if I were off in Burbank. I'd be making dates with all my gals and seeing them all day and going to the classes I normally attend and hitting the library and the shops. But that's all run, run, running. Here I am being gently guided to a slower pace, that involves less doing and more being. I like that, and I'm interested to see who I am with out all the activities I used to identify myself.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Oh goody, more pictures.
So I'm sure you're sick of me talking about the house by now. But here's what the living room looks like with furniture in it. And that's all I'll say about that for a while.Having no routine is not my style. I'm a nervous nelly and like to have things planned out to the hilt. (Like if you're reading this you don't know that already!)This freestyle living is a little nerve-racking for me at times. The furor of moving has died down, and the frenetic "let's get things in order" pace is slowing. Hence, I am being left alone with myself, my thoughts, and my **FEELINGS**.
Cue scary Jaws music.
I am happy to say that my head is not quite the scary place it used to be. Still, I don't spend a lot of time there. I'm trying to be of service to my husband and keep busy doing little things. Also, I'm trying to just relax. Breathe. Enjoy the moment, the fact that I'm not working. This is a temporary situation so I might as well milk it for every ounce I can get.
It's not to say that I'm not freaked out about probably losing my job. It's just that there's nothing I can really do about it. Gabe and I talked and talked and talked this over, we figured out what was best for us as a family, and made our decisions based on that.
I really appreciate all the help and support I am getting from my girls. I feel the love vibes they are sending my way. Last night there was a party for one of the ladies I hold dear. I thought I might be way bummed that I wasn't there, but I did fine. Hey, we made a good choice for our future. And not making every single party is a small price to pay for the direction my life is taking now.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Good Morning
I call it "Sunrise on my Lawn"
It's crazy that there's so much greenery here. When I drive around, I'm surrounded by weird foliage everywhere. And rolling hills. That are green. I didn't know people could still live in places like this. We have this view north that I can't get my camera to take a good picture of.
That's why we can't wait to have guests. We miss every one and it will be nice to have little pieces of Burbank come up to stay the night. Plus we want them to come and experience the little serenity station we have up on our little hill-bump.
Funny, everyone here recoils in horror when I tell them I'm from Burbank. My hometown has certainly gotten a bad rap up here somehow. I guess it's the traffic and noise. 'Cause seriously, up here, I got off the freeway at about 5:15 pm onto the MAIN street in Paso Robles and I was in traffic for about, oh, 35 seconds. That is the only time I've seen more than 3 cars clustered together in any place here.
I'm certainly NOT complaining. Come on, every one hates traffic and feeling crowded. I haven't felt like it's too rustic or country here. Okay, shopping's not the same as the Galleria but they do have a Target which is practically all I need. And if I really need something high priced I can just go to San Luis Obispo.
Now if I could just shake the feeling that I'm on vacation. I think if I was going to work every day I would feel much more like this is really happening. It's funny how the grass is always greener. When I'm working I just can't wait to get out of there. When I'm not working, I wish they'd call and give me a freakin' job.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
The Kitchen
One room completely done! Dude, the kitchen is rad. It makes me want to bake something.
This is a lot of fun. Gabe and I are running around like chickens with our heads cut off, unpacking boxes and exchanging decorating ideas. We keep mentioning how it feels like we're just on vacation.
We have this little sanctuary we're building. I spent a gajillion dollars today at Target, buying house stuff. Even though I'm taking half of it back, it was certainly a lot of fun making color & fabric choices.
This is all kind of unreal. Both Gabe and I are very interested in how I'm going to react to moving so far from everything I knew my whole life. I keep getting these little reminders we're not in Kansas anymore but I think having a comfortable home is going to be very conducive to me being content in this new environment.
Having my husband and dog here is very calming, obviously.
But! I realize that this is a "stressful" event. And I'm not getting away totally unscathed. My face is breaking out and I am beginning to recognize a low level of anxiety. Thankfully there's plenty to do so I never have to be idle unless I'm sleeping. Or posting a blog.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Ahhh-tascadero
We made it, just ahead of a massive rainstorm. All our stuff is in our house, and many boxes are already unpacked. We have functional bathrooms and a kitchen. We're thinking about decorations and furniture placement.
I love this house!
I don't even know what to say about the house except I've never lived in a place this great. Gabe did a great job finding this home for us.
As far as emotional temperatures go, I seem to be doing ok. I'm in a little bit of a daze, I don't think I can wrap my head around this process. I will have to take my feelings and challenges as they come and I'm looking forward to it. Gabe seems to be ok, but he's moved a long distance before. Rammie is not exactly a fan of this whole moving thing but she'll be all right.
Watch out Central Coast! The Lavezzi family has landed!
Happy New Year
I love this house!
I don't even know what to say about the house except I've never lived in a place this great. Gabe did a great job finding this home for us.
As far as emotional temperatures go, I seem to be doing ok. I'm in a little bit of a daze, I don't think I can wrap my head around this process. I will have to take my feelings and challenges as they come and I'm looking forward to it. Gabe seems to be ok, but he's moved a long distance before. Rammie is not exactly a fan of this whole moving thing but she'll be all right.
Watch out Central Coast! The Lavezzi family has landed!
Happy New Year
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