Sailing away

The pity boat has sailed this morning. It all started when I made two phone calls (yes, you read that correctly) and neither one was returned. How dare they be busy or have lives in any way that don't involve calling me back immediately!? It's been at least a week, and I have lost hope that they will be returning the calls. So sad. But do I call them back and remind them that I love them and want to talk to them? Noooooooooo.

Why would I do that when I can take a swim in Lake Sorry-for-Myself?

I feel kind of at a loss right now. Very powerless over my situation, which is never a good feeling. I don't even want to give up but I feel very tired at the prospect of forcing my friendship on people until they realize that it's FUN to be friends with me. Because suddenly I'm not so sure I am that good of a friend.

Now, I know that I am able to hold a mutual conversation, I have a sense of humor, I've read a lot of books and travelled a little. I have actually had an interesting life and am interested in other people's lives and feelings too. I have love and compassion. Yet self-doubt creeps in.

What is a good friend any way? I know what I want in a friend, and what I want to be like as a friend. But who knows what another person's idea of friendship is...

Having said all of that and given this some thought as I type, I have found a bright side to this whole thing... As bad as all of this might seem, at least it's not dating.