happy times

34

2010-04-09T12:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was awesome. I had a good night's rest, followed by a peaceful day. Maybe that would have been disappointing a few years ago. I would have been wanting a party, with streamers and candles and singing... but sitting watching the ocean with Gabe worked juuuust fine.

I got so much Facebook love too! I woke up with a bunch of notification emails and more came in throughout the day. My mom called me at 2:22pm, just like every year. Because that's what time I was born, of course! Good thing I waited til a reasonable time to put in an appearance on April 8, 1976.

Thanks to everyone for love and support all through the year... not just on the one day.

Living in the Moment

2010-03-09T11:48:00.000-08:00

Humans are very adaptable. This is an important evolutionary trait for us, to be able to fit into situations quickly so we don't die or at the very least embarrass ourselves socially. Because we adapt so fast, sometimes things that are extraordinary become ordinary way too quickly.

My life is a good example of this! I do a lot of the same things every week, I go to work, I go home, I hang with my husband, I talk to people, I surf the internet, I work out. All fairly normal stuff. Okay, really normal stuff.

BUT!! That itself is a miracle, considering how truly screwed up I was a decade ago. I have slayed some serious personal demons to be the "normal" gal you see before you lately. I try not to forget that it took 10 years of therapy, some medication and a whole bunch of mental, emotional and spiritual housecleaning to get to wake up happy on any given day.

I do wake up happy though, I really do. It helps to remember that everything passes. Feelings, events, people, little doggies... they all pass on and what's important is that you have them while they're happening. Because if you're not living in the moment then you're not experiencing your life.

I'm really trying to live in the moment... I see big things in the future, things I want now. That makes me absent-minded about what's happening today and it blows my opportunity to be of service, to get a good laugh, to be a good friend.

Let's be clear that this miracle of a life is not in any way because of my strong character or willpower or sheer stubborness. I have been given a gift from the universe, I was just lucky enough to open the door when sanity knocked!

Okay, okay... I know these are deep thoughts! But I've been pondering what to write on this blog for a week. And this is what eventually came out when I sat down and logged in. So this is what you get. It's not even what I originally started typing about which is a whole other story!

Rammie

2010-02-23T08:34:00.001-08:00

There's nothing like a bit of perspective to stop the whining. I know I've mentioned that my dog died but I'm still feeling sad about it. I tell every one that I can, I feel like it honors her memory. But other things are going on too, and most of them are good. Her death has reaffirmed how wonderful and lovely Gabe is, as a husband and friend, and as a man.

I am really finding my place up here among some women, FINALLY! I have been waiting a long time for that!

Yoga Flirt is really moving in a positive direction, gaining momentum and I feel so special to be a part of it. We had a HUGE event on Friday and a lot of women came and oohed and ahhed and felt the love. It was a bit intense!

Hopefully the job search will be moving in a positive direction fairly soon as well. Remember, if you know of anything I am trying to be completely open to the possibilities. I want challenge and responsibility! Hook me up!

I wish I had time for a more in-depth entry but I have to get to work. Ok, I have time for one more positive afterthought: My jury duty keeps putting me on stand-by. YAAAAAAAAY! Only 3 days left...

Job Search

2010-02-05T13:03:00.000-08:00

I can't complain about my life at all. I want to, because whining is one of my favorite hobbies. My life is good because I have a faith that works for me. While I can take blame for a few things, I can take no credit for the coolness that happens to me all the time.

Having said that, life is still a series of events. There are circumstances that are less than perfect and perspective is important if you're going to be of service in the lives of others. I am in a peaceful emotional and spiritual spot right now, which is good.

Because for the first time in my life I am looking for work. I could get really freaked out about this. Starbucks is the only "choice" I ever made as far as the pursuit of a paycheck is concerned. The phone company and my teen job both engulfed me with out much decision-making on my part. There is a little bit of fear that I will make the wrong choice or ruin an opportunity with all the possibilities, the wide open-ness of it all.

I love working at Starbucks and want to continue working there, but unless things move very quickly I don't know what's going to happen. I am keeping myself completely open to the possibilities. The universe usually has bigger plans for me than I do.

The alternative to staying open to the possibilities of things is setting myself up for disappointment. While that used to be another one of my favorite hobbies, I no longer find it quite as interesting. Life is better when you let it happen.

I do have a dream job in my head, several possibilities that would thrill. I believe it's possible to make a living doing something that you love, and that you're good at. I believe I deserve the opportunity to find out what that feels like. I am visualizing it and getting excited about it... while being practical.

Do you like your job? If the answer is "yes" then I'd like to know if they're hiring. And if you'd be willing to give me a reference!

Happy Times Reunion... with myself

2010-01-19T10:04:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged in a long time. Basically after Facebook became my friend. Why post full sentences and paragraphs every couple days when I can constantly update you?

But now that I think about it, it really doesn't matter who reads this as much as it matters that I write it. For my own sake and sanity. I have a really good life and a very strong forgetter...

If you do read it then *hi* and *thanks* and here we go again...

Lately things are going very well. I have no complaints except I'm not working enough. And that will all change hopefully sooner than later and then I'm going to be complaining about working too much. Ahhh, such is life.

I'm finding I have nothing to say on my first post back. I am feeling shy! Well, if you know me at all, you know that won't last for long. So check back soon and hopefully I'll have something interesting to say!

Happy, Home Again.

2009-04-12T04:36:00.000-07:00

I was in Burbank for 10 days. That's a long time. While I didn't get much done, I still did a lot of stuff. To prove it, I have parking passes for Dodger Stadium, Disney, Angel's Stadium and the Long Beach Aquarium in my car. Next time I see you, they will still be in my car, so feel free to ask to see the proof.

There was plenty of stuff I didn't get to do. Like see my friends more... I mean I saw them, but not like I do when I'm only in town for a couple of days. It was like I had too much time so I had no sense of urgency. Weird. Anyway, now that I'm back I wish I would've seen more of them.

I did see this cutie a couple times:

Boy is she adorable.

BTW, this guy is pretty adorable too:

He got us great tickets for the game on Tuesday... And he got me the coolest present for my birthday! It's a purse that you changes its shell. So you can always have a different look. YAY!

Here's Cedric at the Dodgers & Angels exhibition game. That was fun, I got to hang out with my cousin... even though the Angels lost...And I saw my cousin again when we went to the Long Beach Aquarium on Friday... we took her nieces so spending time with them was cool too. Then, just to make sure I didn't miss out on the true LA experience, I drove through rush hour (ahem AT 2PM!!!) traffic on the 710, 5 and 101 freeways. Wheee!!

I also went to a choir competition at my old high school and saw some people I hadn't seen in a decade or so. I'm sure I did other things...

At any rate, I'm glad to be home and now I'm going to try to get back into a yoga and hiking routine... Yesterday was my first day back at work and it was a doozy. Easter apparently equals coffee time in this brave new world. We were BUSY!

Ok off to work...

Things and Stuff

2009-03-22T09:27:00.001-07:00

Gabe has suffered a relapse with his back pain. It's a full-on relapse: he can't get comfortable, no standing or sitting for long, ice packs and ibuprofen, no driving or having any fun of any kind. He basically has to lay there and suffer. It's really frustrating for both of us, although at least I can walk around the house and grab a coke if I'm thirsty.

I don't want him to have surgery if he can help it, but he just went downhill so quickly. He was fine Tuesday and then BAM! on Wednesday he was hurt. The next day he was completely immobile. So, while it makes me nervous and I have various concerns, I am more open to the idea of him having something radical done to alleviate the pain.

On a much funner note, I tried a new class yesterday. It's called Yoga Flirt, which is code for pole dancing with a yoga twist. My legs hurt. But it was so much fun. A great workout, women only and talking out and laughing is encouraged. I'm also hoping that there will be an opportunity to meet some other women who might not be quite as... straight-laced as most of the women (with some shiny, happy exceptions) I've met up here so far.

One of those shiny, happy exceptions is my old/new friend Bethany. She's really cool and interesting, we had coffee last night and I had to force myself to go home! We went on a hike this week, with Lucas. He slowed us down a lot, and it was awesome. I heard birds and saw things I'd never paid attention to on that trail. Here's a picture of Bethany and Lucas, flying.

School Daze

2009-03-17T04:02:00.000-07:00

I haven't been putting up posts because the most exciting stuff in my life happens to me on Facebook. I'm only joking a little!

That might be all about to change though, if I do end up going back to school. Meeting new people (with like interests, YAY) and homework and hopefully singing too! I was just talking about how I made a choice to not go to school because I didn't like it. It's kind of embarrassing, really. BUT! To me there's a whole facet of college I never considered that doesn't involve taking classes that you don't want to take for a degree. I just want to go and get a certificate, learn how to do what I want and then move on! Well that's how I feel now. At this point I wouldn't be surprised if you told me I was soon going to be studying for my Ph.D.

What I've become interested in over the past year or so is interior design. I absolutely devour the shows on HGTV and am so fascinated by the transformations. I would like it if that was something I could do. So I'm going to try to do it, and we'll see what comes of it.

I'm a little apprehensive about transcripts, paperwork, registration, being able to get the classes I want, etc. But I just have to take it one thing at a time, so if I can remember that I'm cool. I actually have fun filling out forms, if you can believe it! The thing is not to talk myself out of it before I even start.

Back From Burbank

2009-02-28T04:42:00.000-08:00

Honey, I'm home! That's right, back from Burbank and happy as always to return to the land of peace and greenery. I couldn't actually stay as long as I planned! I wanted to come home too badly so I left late Thursday night.

I went to Disneyland by myself, since Kate, Giddy and Bliss all have jobs and things. It was really nice and relaxing but not as much fun as when I go with a friend. I did get to go on Tower of Terror twice, which I wouldn't subject any one else to!The Peter Pan ride was magical as always and It's a Small World has gotten a fair amount of spit and polish and is all shiny and new again.

While I was down in the LA area I got to see only some of my good friends! A couple were just too busy this time around. But I got to see my childhood friend and give her a birthday hug and a little present. We've known each other 23 years now! Zoinks!!

Gabe is doing MUCH better which is great! I have my husband back, and he has his freedom back. It's fab. The acupuncture really was the magic we had been looking for. He's still going to see an orthopedic surgeon on Monday, just to be on the safe side.

I met up with an old high school friend and her 2 year old today, they just happen to live down the street from me here on the Central Coast... how bizarre! She's not some one I was super tight with in school, we were in choir together but she was a year older and I was pretty much a hag to every one anyway. But she remembered me when I sent her a message on Facebook, and was way into meeting up! So it's nice to think MAYBE I might have another local friend to add to my teeny tiny list. She also does yoga and still loves to sing, so we have some common interests. She is in a choir at Poly so I'm going to go check them out tonight. YAY!

Holding Steady

2009-02-18T04:06:00.000-08:00

My mom left on Monday morning, it was nice to have her here. All she did was cook! I thought I must've gained 5 pounds in a week. But no, I can't blame her for my current state. That is all my fault. Part of it is not being in LA and having to look at starlet wannabes everywhere I go. People around here are all kinds of body types. I'm even starting to snap out of the idea that in order to be beautiful you've got to be a size 2 or smaller. Still, I don't want to keep extra weight on, and I definitely have been gaining slowly over the last year. About 15 pounds of slowly!

I've been doing about 3 yoga classes a week and I have to say I love it. The instructor works us very hard, so it's a great workout and yet also very calming. I have a bunch of free time on my hands, and it's better to take care of myself than to sit on the couch and eat bonbons. I'm not sure I can say that I'm totally bored yet, but I am out of the habit of hanging out with people. Which in one way is good, I don't feel lonely like I did when I first got here. Don't get me wrong I'm still annoyed with the fact that I have a total of 2 and a half friends up here, but I've gotten used to a certain amount of time just for me. What I do with that time is the important thing. I've got to try to be somewhat useful!

Gabe's feeling better so that's a nice change. He's back to his normal witty self, and we're getting to hang out a little more. Valentine's Day was nice and mellow, low-key. The acupuncture really helped him! Now he's been referred to a surgeon after his MRI results came through. I'm not worried though- if he has to have surgery to be better, I want him to have it.

Ok, off I go to work again!

Let It Snow.... a Little

2009-02-09T18:10:00.001-08:00

It was pouring when I woke up this morning... And then! SNOW! For real, outside of my house. Where I live all the time! I was tripping out. So was my neighbor, out in her driveway looking kind of stunned.I got a little snow on my coat while I was out taking this picture.
I'm so proud of myself for having braved the elements. I guess I'm not as much of a wuss as I used to be... but my thermostat in the house says it's 70 degrees in here and I'm FREEZING.

Speed Review 2008

2009-02-06T09:37:00.000-08:00

No, this is not a critique of the year's methamphetamines! This is an idea I picked up from Mary. I guess you're supposed to do it in January but whatev. What one does is take the first sentence from the first blog post of every month of the last year and then see what you get... I found Mary's quite interesting although I'd probably read her interpretation of the dictionary with some awed respect. I had quite a year! And all over the place, as usual...

We made it, just ahead of a massive rainstorm. I might be lying but... I don't think I've ever been away from Burbank for an entire month. I liked doing this cross stitch because it required effort and concentration, mixed with some pretty immediate gratification. Well, I didn't get the job. Checking in with Cedric... my husband's waiting in our convertible. Yesterday was my first day as an employee at Starbucks. My mom is here so I have been busy! I know I've been a little whiny one-note lately, but I'm being proactive. I was down in Burbank the past 3 days and as usual, I stayed pretty busy. It hasn't exactly been happy times in my head lately, although everything is exactly the same on the outside. Monday's party went great! Getting more and more excited for Christmas, although I am trying to soak it all in.

I am tagging all you bloggers that read my blog. All 3 of you! I check your blogs like every day, breathlessly waiting for new information...

Meet Mustard

2009-02-03T23:11:00.000-08:00

I went on a hike today and met a slug. But not just any slug... Ladies and gentlemen! Meet the amazing Mr. Mustard!!

I put my sunglasses down to give a sense of perspective of how freakin' humongous the animal was. And such a lovely shade of , er, mustard. Nature really knows her stuff, huh?
I also liked this tree, and the sky behind it. I wasn't quick enough to snap a pick of the huge hawk flying by behind it. But there's hawks all over the place up here.
Gabe had his first acupuncture appointment and thinks he might feel a little better. We're going again on Thursday. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but maybe this is a good thing.

My mom is supposed to come up on Saturday, I am happy to say. She hates the drive but I think it will be nice for Joe to have some company. And for me!

A (Not-so) Happy Times Update

2009-01-30T09:13:00.000-08:00

It's not that my happiness solely depends on my husband. But obviously, he plays a big part of my life, and the home that we're in together gets its vibe from how we are feeling. I guess I haven't been much into posting because there's not a lot of great news, or because there's no news at all.

I don't mean that it's all a bummer, Gabe and I are still managing to smile and laugh. But not as much as I'm used to! So of course it's a little depressing. He still is in a lot of pain. He's still laying down all day, every day. He's still a little on edge, and although he's not directly taking it out on me, I feel bad that he's so frustrated.

He keeps telling me I'm in charge of morale, which is a good thing! I am typically very upbeat about things. Mostly at this point, I'm frustrated at the lack of progress and I feel totally powerless over the situation. So keeping my morale high can be a little taxing. This sucks way more than I want it to!

And I'm not looking for sympathy, I just thought my 2 readers might be wondering why I'm not saying much lately. All things considered, my life still is blessed and awesome. I just miss my husband! I love it that I'm in such a position to have such a great spouse, that I'm so lucky that usually he'll do anything to get a laugh out of me. This has been a good experience as far as showing me what an awesome dude Gabe is. But OKAY I learned my lesson, can I have him back now please?

As for me, at least I'm still able to get out and do things. Honestly, Gabe wants me to get out of the house and have some fun. He's also probably happy to have me stop hovering!

I've taken up yoga again, YAY! And I've been hiking a bit and on Monday we started watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer from Episode One... then we watched 2 more. I love that show and it's just so awesome to share it with people who are total BTVS virgins. They don't even know who/what Angel is yet. I love it.

Anyways, that's what's happening in my world lately. We're going to acupuncture on Monday, I'm sure that will help. It helped me when nothing else did. Everyone cross your fingers!

What a Day!

2009-01-24T20:54:00.000-08:00

I was in the ER at midnight for my poor hubby and that is how my day began...

I had to work at 5...

Then I went hiking at Bishop's Peak...

Then I took a shower and a nap...

Went to a meeting, somehow didn't fall asleep during the meditation...

Over to a friend's house for a little girl talk...

Home again to make dinner and get ready for bed...

It's not as boring as I made it sound. I just don't have much energy left for creative writing, maybe some other time.

But here, I can show you some pictures. I took the lovely and gentle Kate to Disneyland on Wednesday. So here's some pics from there:
I hope you sleep as well as I plan to tonight!

Conniption

2009-01-15T13:39:00.001-08:00

I didn't cut all my hair off... just the bangs. So here's what it looks like:

Yesterday, I had a conniption. It was my first one in a long time and I really wanted to not be having it, but I didn't seem to have any choice in the matter. It had to do with my request for certain days off being completely overlooked and I was SUPER. PISSED. OFF.

Don't they know who I am?!

But I quickly got into action and got it all taken care of. Barring any setbacks with Gabe's situation, I believe I am finally going to Disneyland next week. Even if I have to go myself, which hopefully I don't!

I wish I could've gotten over it that fast. I got so overwrought that I had an emotional hangover for hours! I couldn't shake the anger that I felt. I went on a five mile hike and that finally made me feel better. Then I went to a meeting later which usually does good things to the mood of an alcoholic like myself.

So it's all good. And I really need to work on how I react when I don't get my way.

Quick Pictorial Update

2009-01-15T06:35:00.000-08:00

I got bangs: And took a lovely walk with a good friend:

In the very middle of the above picture is Morro Rock. This is such a limited view of what it looks like from up there (top of the Cuesta Pass, east trail). The views are 180 degrees panoramic.

And Here I Am...

2009-01-09T16:39:00.000-08:00

... feeling sorry for myself.

Yesterday I was supposed to get a haircut, right? Well, that didn't happen (poor me, right?) because I ended up having to go into the mattress store to cover for my husband's business partner. Who got the nerve to have kidney stones. Supposedly kidney stones are supposed to be worse than childbirth on the pain scale. I forgive, I guess.

So, yeah I didn't get a haircut. But at least I can still walk upright, unlike some people I know. Plus, all I had to do was reschedule, which gives me more time to ponder the change(s) I'm going to make on my hair!

Two people I know are down for the count and I'm still worried about myself. Does the selfishness ever fade?

Once again to the happy side of life, I made two sales today at the mattress store! Woo-hoo! It makes me feel good to contribute to the business.

Plus I have met another LA transplant that seems to be pretty cool. I went to her house yesterday and hung out with her and another lady and they were both nice, but Cristel (the transplant) seems to be just about my speed which is awesome.

So there is some good news to be had, as usual. I would do well to remember that. I guess we all would...

Fizzle

2009-01-08T04:05:00.000-08:00

Things did not go as planned for me, which as you may well know I don't handle gracefully. It's not that big of a deal really, and I was happy that I decided to stay home with Gabe. He was in so much pain and pretty much out of commission, unable to walk or stand for any length of time.

I take my mobility for granted I guess. I never thought of the effort required just to stand upright and make myself a plate of food or grab a Diet Coke. To be honest, I go nuts when I'm bedridden. Gabe is much more suited to it than I apparently. He's been laid up pretty much since Christmas and can still manage not to snap at me just because I can walk and he can't. If the tables were turned, I'm not sure I could say the same.

So my trip to LA was cancelled. Disneyland must wait a few more weeks. I'm hoping (again) to go down fairly soon, the 20th or so. I can't say I wasn't disappointed, but I feel I made the right choice to stay and take care of my husband. I couldn't just abandon him there in that bed!

He's on the mend (we think, we hope) finally and seems to be getting around a little better. He's not going to push it, he says, and I believe him because he's pushed it before and ended up worse for it.

I am better too, this whole situation was just getting to me and I was irritated. But he dragged the truth out of me and I feel much lighter. I got my toes done Tuesday (finally, OMG) and am getting a haircut today. I'm not going short, this time.

Ach! I have to go to work now!

Busy Bee

2009-01-03T18:08:00.000-08:00

I haven't even had time to post due to being completely busy. I have been working a LOT. I was originally scheduled for a little over 20 hours and then my boss asked me if she could add hours on for me to train some one. I said yes, and that probably put me over thirty hours, although I am a little afraid to count.

So I have been working more than normal, and it's a little more stressful than normal. Due to the fact that I'm training one (sometimes 2!) people and a change-over in the management, it's been a little rough. I have the next three days off which I am grateful for, and Gabe gave me yesterday off from the mattress store.

On top of that: holidays and people visiting. My mother finally showed up on Thursday night, with my godfather in tow. So that was a nice surprise! We went to Solvang and Chumash Casino yesterday.

During this whole week, Gabe has been out of commission because his back is all jacked up! He does a lot around the house, and so I've been trying to keep up a little bit with that too. I'm not doing a very good job, but I've also tried to keep him comfortable and happy. Anyways, enough complaining. Poor, poor me. OVER IT!!!

On a much happier note, I am taking these days I have off to go to Disneyland, finally! I get to hang out at the Park with my lovely friend Kate and even have coffee with some gals tomorrow afternoon. YAY!

We're having some people over tonight for a game night and I'm so tired but I'm looking forward to it! YAY!

Then I'm getting in the hot tub! YAY!

It's still Christmas...

2008-12-25T21:04:00.001-08:00

I got this sweater: We gave a young boy a tongue in cheek bib...

And had some Christmas ham. Presents were exchanged in a wild,anarchic fashion... Then we went in the hot tub, which I'm hoping turns into a Lavezzi holiday tradition! Now I'm blogging and Gabe and Mia, my sis-in-law, are playing Call of Duty, while my father-in-law looks on.

Leading up to today, I have been sad about not being with my gal pals at any time this season. But today was such a whirlwind I didn't really have time to be sad. Yay, Christmas. I hope your day was as good and peaceful as mine.

Apples and Things

2008-12-22T11:05:00.000-08:00

Gabe and I had some people over on Friday and it was way fun. We played Apples to Apples and just sat around and chatted and it was very cool. I can't wait to do it again! But that's not surprising. If I like it, why not have more as soon as I possibly can?

So I'm going to invite people over again on Saturday, if it's not too soon for every one. Hopefully my sister-in-law will be here and we can get her to play too. The more the merrier and all that. It's so nice to be making friends in this area.

Now, not that I'm dying to get away from the AA people here, but there's something to be said about just sitting around, playing a game and being with people who would normally mix. Unfortunately most of the AA's I've bonded with in Atascadero are more religious than me. And I'm sure that is on my mind more than it is on theirs, but I feel a little uncomfortable around it sometimes. I'm working on that.

On a sad note, my boss is planning a move to Utah in the next few months. That's too bad because I think she's really cool, and we work really well together. So hopefully the new supervisor will live up to my expectations or I will have to ask for a transfer, or quit. Neither of which I'd like! Here's a picture of my awesome boss, from Halloween time:

We are just about always having as much fun as she is in that picture.

Gabe totally supports my feelings about the Starbucks situation, which is nice. He gets that this job is a happy thing for me, and I have just come from a situation where going to work felt like a chore and made me really unhappy. So I know he's got my back and we'd work something else out if this whole coffee thing fell through.

I have a friend who just moved to Montreal for work (from Burbank OMG culture shock much?) and she sends these amazing emails detailing her experiences there. I wish she'd get a camera and send some pictures out, and that she'd get a blog so I could turn you guys on to her story. It's really way more interesting than mine, that's for sure!

That's right Jackie! I'm calling you out in front of the whole blogosphere. Ha!

And, finally, here's a picture of me and some of my co-worker wishing every one a happy holiday season.

Winter-y things

2008-12-19T15:30:00.000-08:00

It's been cold here. "Duh," my husband says. "It's December," he says. Well, okay but I still have never woken up to this before:

That's frost. On my lawn. It's probably on my lawn a lot, but I leave before there's light to see it by. I keep telling Gabe how cold it is, which explains his response (see above). What else do you say after the 50th time some one remarks about how cold it is?

I can't help it, when I go outside my brain refuses to function except to mention that, Wow, it's cold. And then it just pops out of my mouth to whomever is closest. Sometimes it's just me, and then I say it to myself.

Gabe and I hung Christmas lights in our front hall. They look really great there. I'm going to see how long he'll let me keep them up. Probably at least til the new year.

Merry Merry

2008-12-13T14:05:00.000-08:00

I took some pictures from my balcony during sunset that I thought were pretty cool. The path of the sun is very noticeable from my living room, we have been able to observe how the earth's tilt affects the way the sun moves across our sky. Right now the sun is setting behind the trees in our front lawn, as opposed to all summer where it sank into the north.

Also, in news more exciting than the sunset: we got a Christmas tree! Woo hoo. We decided to pick two colors and went with blue and gold. It wasn't until I was done shopping for ornaments that I remembered -yes- those are the Rams' colors. I don't know why I didn't realize that before... but any ways I think our tree is beautiful. And seeing as I haven't had a tree in years, I am really stoked. We decorated it together which was very sweet. There are presents under it and everything. Plus it twinkles in a very merry way.

Good Morning!

2008-12-09T04:05:00.000-08:00

Getting more and more excited for Christmas, although I am trying to soak it all in. It's not necessarily the day of the 25th that's so exciting as much as the whole spirit of Christmas that (hopefully) hangs around for the days leading up to it. In that light, I am listening to Christmas music that I adore, and wearing little Christmas earrings to work every day.

My shopping is almost done so I'm not all stressed out about that. I usually do pretty good in that area. This year for Gabe I got him a couple small things I think he needs/will like and I'm leaving it at that. It's so hard because the past couple of years I've been trying to top myself over and over, but I'm just setting the bar too high. It's supposed to be the thought that counts.

Speaking of all this Christmas cheer, I got my feelings hurt for the first time at work yesterday. A woman came in and was SO. RUDE. Usually I just laugh it off later but for some reason she did it the right way- making me feel like a piece of trash. I hope that it relieved some pressure off of her, whatever was bugging her yesterday. Really, I was shocked at how awful I felt, so I hope that it helped her out in some way. Otherwise it was just wasted meanness!

My mom's boyfriend is in town, he got a job at the power plant (he's an electrician). I guess it pays pretty well and stuff, but I'm hoping this is just the first in a string of things that gets them to move up here. I would like my mom close. And if she could get my brother to come with her, that would be the COOLEST.

Well that's all for now, I'll try and keep you posted on our holidays this year. I hope you're enjoying the spirit of Christmas where ever you are!

Talking Turkey

2008-11-30T16:00:00.000-08:00

*groan*

Sorry about the title of this post... I couldn't help myself!

Thanksgiving was freakin' awesome!! And I'm not exaggerating. It was so cool. My father and sister-in-law came up here, with my little brother in tow. My husband's business partner, Sam, came over and brought his little family and his mother and sister-in-law. There were 9 grown-ups and one 1 year old. We watched football (boring blow-outs) and talked and prepped and cooked and ate (food was good!) and then... we played Apples to Apples. Any day that has Apples to Apples in it is a good day to me.

My mom and her boyfriend, Joe, showed up around 9pm on Thursday. Joe and Gabe set up the hot tub on Friday. We had to let it heat up, but Saturday morning, I didn't work so we woke up and got in. Every one was had left by then and we just soaked and relaxed. We got in it again last night, there are so many stars visible around here! It's so different than where I used to live, with only the brightest stars shining through the light pollution.

The cool thing is that my sister-in-law really liked it up here, and I think we're going to have family here again at Christmas time. I'm very excited for that. I'm just excited for the holidays in general! My only complaint is that I can't get down to Disneyland!! Obviously, I have quality problems...

Remember How I Said...

2008-11-25T16:51:00.001-08:00

... that my family was coming and that it was all very exciting?

Well. It's been way more exciting than I've bargained for because everything has been mostly up in the air. Maybe they're coming, maybe they're not. Well, this day, no wait this day. AHHHHHH!!! Now maybe you thrive in this type of environment, but me, Miss Type-A-Plans-Christmas-in-June is having a little bit of a rough time with this whole thing. I'm not suffering by any stretch of the imagination... but for some one who likes to know in advance, all this... fluidity... can be a bit stress inducing.

So I'm hanging loose. I bought a 17 pound turkey today. I hope that is enough for however many people are going to be here. I got all the fixins. Gabe will cook the bird, and we'll probably split the rest down the middle somewhere.

If I were you, I'd avoid grocery stores, Target, Trader Joe's. And my condolences if you try to step a foot into Costco. It's only going to get worse, and I feel very, very sorry for y'all who live in SoCal. BUT! We can be grateful if there is any money to spend at all, right?

Oh BTW it's RAINING!! Beautiful pitter-pattering on my rooftop, authentic California rain. It makes me want to cozy up and have a fire.

To all my friends in family in Burbank and further, I am thinking of you this week of thankfulness. I miss you and wish we could all be together. Good luck and many blessings on this most grateful of holidays.

Saint Gabriel

2008-11-18T15:03:00.000-08:00

I made plans last month for my aunt and cousin to visit us this weekend. The weekend before Thanksgiving- we are going to make special Greek cookies that my aunt Teddi has made forever around the holidays. So that's two.

Gabe and I got a spa the other day and need it hooked up. I think I mentioned that my mom's boyfriend was going to come up and get electrifying on it's behind. Well, he didn't get back from New Jersey til yesterday. So he wanted to go home for a little while before he took the trip up here. Well, somewhere in all this my mother decided she wanted to come with.

They should be up here in the next few days. Possibly arriving the exact same moment as my cousin and aunt. Who knows, as all the details haven't been completely ironed out yet. So now we're up to four.

But wait! There's more!

My godmothers have decided that they'd like to tag along with my mom when she comes up. And their little dog too. No, I am not kidding. That makes six, not including Princess the pooch, due to arrive sometime this weekend.

Then when they're all gone, the party's just begun. For then, Thanksgiving will be upon us, with more family descending upon us for the weekend. Beyond all that, my friend is coming up the Tuesday after Thanksgiving on her winter break.

To me, this is like a party dream come true. I love my family and spent many years apart from them. So to see them in the comfort of my own home and extend my hospitality to them helps to make amends in our relationships. Plus they're so fun to me! And I have been hoping to see this particular friend make it up here for a while now.

I would be totally fine with it, if the tables were turned. But I live to host and have houseguests. I can't really expect Gabe to be all thrilled, but he's totally cool with everything, including my family all deciding to pile in at once. Maybe it's just a stereotype, but I expected him to be way less okay. Yay, husband!

Frustrated

2008-11-16T14:32:00.001-08:00

I am a little frustrated that my plans to go to Disneyland have been foiled. It's not the end of the world, of course. But I was looking forward to seeing the lovely Kate and even possibly my new friend Giddy. The positive is that the reason I am not going is because I am going to practice being a learning coach. On a real live person.

I'm excited yet nervous. I was supposed to start training some one a week ago, but the dude called the day before he was supposed to start and told my boss he wasn't taking the job. So I figure that was my reprieve. Now, it's time for me to start using my "bossy skills." We'll see how it goes...

My mom is coming in a few days, with her boyfriend. He's going to hook up our new (used) hot tub! Holy cow... my poor aching feet and legs can't wait! I'm excited to see my mom but at the same time it means she's not coming for Thanksgiving which makes me kinda sad. However, my brother is coming and so is my father- and sister-in-law, with her boyfriend. So the house should be pleasantly full any way.

I am looking forward to the holidays, especially now that I work retail! It was always really sad and pathetic trying to decorate where I used to work because it was way too large. So there'd be like a tree and a ribbon. And the same 3 Christmas songs on the radio. LAME!

Anyways! Thank God that's over.

What's your Turkey Day looking like this year?

Something to Say

2008-11-07T15:46:00.000-08:00

Monday's party went great! Lots of ladies showed up and a good time was had by all. At least that's what they say... I had a good time, at least. Those ladies love each other so much and seem to have decided that I am one of them, FINALLY!

Jennie was up and she was a blast. I felt like I barely had any time to hang out with her before it was time for her to get on the road. We had the party on Monday and went shopping on Tuesday in downtown SLO then later did the hot springs in Paso. We watched a movie (Dawn of the Dead 2004) on Wednesday night. Then it was time for her to go. Oh well, she'll be back. Soon!

My cousin is due to arrive in a few days with her precious baby daughter, who was Tinker Bell for Halloween. LOOK:

That's pretty darn cute. I would totally rock those tights if they came in my size!

Monday I start training a new barista and I'm excited but nervous. I was hoping to get some time off on Monday or Tuesday but I pretty much can't since I'm going to be working with some one. So my cousin will have to fend for herself for the mornings she is here. I'll make up for it in the afternoon, Kim. I promise.

Not that I want to get in any way political in this forum (or any other! Like you give a shit what I think about politics) but I will say I'm excited for the change of president to come already! I can't imagine becoming president-elect and then having to wait 3 or 4 months to start. It's like getting told you're going to get the best Christmas present ever while being eaten by a monster... but first you have to wait. How glorious and terrifying.

Have I told you I LOVE the library system up here? I figured out that I have saved a bazillion dollars on new books, using the Black Gold Library System's free transfer of books between libraries. The whole SLO and SB counties are in on it, and I can rent a book from any library in those 2 counties and they will deliver it to my library down the street. A BAZILLION DOLLARS! I swear.

So that's my something to say. I felt like I had a lot going on and wanted you to know about it. Now you do and I can finally walk away from my computer without that uneasy blogless feeling.

Pumpkins and SuperSam

2008-10-31T22:04:00.000-07:00

I carved a pumpkin and her name was Tinker Bell. Don't act like you're surprised.My husband also carved a pumpkin:

Sam came by with his 11 month old dressed as Superman. The child's name is Sam Jr. So I called him SuperSam. He didn't care much what I called him as he's not into the whole talking thing yet. We watched What Lies Beneath for spooky fun. All in all a good night. We had exactly one trick or treater. That's what happens when you live on a street with out sidewalks.

Did you carve a pumpkin?

Happy Halloween

2008-10-31T11:36:00.001-07:00

It's rainy and gloomy and perfect! Above are my "costume socks" that I wore to work and below, my Halloween face I am wearing right now, thinking about how much I love my socks. I also put on a lot of mascara and black eyeliner to celebrate the season. Not that you can tell in this picture though. The camera adds 10 pounds on your body and erases 80% of your make-up. Hardly fair.

Hopefully I will have jack o lantern pictures for you later. Yes I am lame and haven't carved my pumpkins yet. I know it's Halloween already. Boo!

Chili and Things

2008-10-29T05:44:00.001-07:00

I made chili yesterday in my slow cooker. I cooked it for 6 hours or so, even though it was mostly canned ingredients. Canned beans, canned corn, jar of salsa. But I did roast jalapenos and red, orange and yellow bell peppers for it. Then my husband barbecued a pork tenderloin and a couple tri-tip steaks for the pot. It tastes really good. There are 4 jalapenos in there too, so it's very spicy. Spicy and GOOD!

*Sigh* I love food. I would take a picture of it for you but I'm afraid it just wouldn't look very appetizing. So just use your mind's eye and imagine a colorful veggie, bean and meat packed stew of yum. Okay, I know it's 5:45am but now I must have some.

Today I'm meeting with my sponsor, Linda. She's the coolest lady. I'm very happy to have fallen in with her. A gal she sponsors is one of my favorite people up here.

I bought a treadmill. It's gigantor. Huge. When we set it up, its gravitational pull attracted a small moon. I kind of over-bought because it was such a great deal. Beware the great deal, people. Although now that I'm more used to it, I do have to say I love it. Even though it has a helm like the Enterprise!

I'm so ready for Halloween. Scary movie, check. Pumpkins to carve, check. Five and a half foot tall motion sensor scarecrow to terrify small children, check! I don't do costumes per se but I do do knee-high black and orange striped socks. I love them!

If I don't talk to you before then, have a very scary Halloween.

Another Hiking Trip

2008-10-24T19:05:00.000-07:00

Montana de Oro: Hello gorgeous! Gabe and I went to this new place to hike on Wednesday. It is a little different than the other hikes in that it's very beachy interactive. Obviously there was a starfish:

Things have been looking up for me. I am finding my place among the gals of this town and settling in more and more. They are very sweet women and a few of them are just absolute dolls.
Unlike the economy, I am sensing an upward trend. One of them asked me when I was throwing my next party. I told her we will have a get together when Jennie is here...

We are going to Burbank for my sister-in-law's birthday pretty soon here and I'm hoping to squeeze in some time with my gals, but it's such short notice! Really other than a trip to LA, there's nothing going on until Jennie gets here. She's due to arrive next Monday and we always enjoy her visits! Then my cousin is coming a few days later to hang with her child in a quieter place. I am so looking forward to seeing my little niece, and my cousin too.

We still haven't figured out the holidays so I won't even go into that.

I leave you with the most dramatic of pictures:

All Better!

2008-10-16T09:47:00.001-07:00

It hasn't exactly been happy times in my head lately, although everything is exactly the same on the outside. I've been trapped in self-pity and it's so ugly that I couldn't stand to spew my junk on all of you... hence the lack of blogging.

I have been dealing with the reality that what people say isn't always what they do. This is not excluding myself, of course. But I understand when I do it! When you do it, I feel disappointed and hurt. And even more dangerously, I start taking it personally. It took a lot of pep talks from my husband to help me get over myself.

Now that that is over, I feel free and ready to blog again! I bet you're relieved...

In happy news, I got an iPhone!! Yay. I've been coveting Gabe's since he got it a year ago and I was finally able to change phones. So I went for it. Now I have a new toy that takes up a considerable amount of my attention. It's so interactive, and even technotarded me can understand it.

I got an AA sponsor up here finally and I think that's going to help me out with the self-pity and just in general. It's nice to feel connected and to have some one to work with. A gal that I went hiking with once keeps coming into Starbucks for a drink and telling me we should connect. YAY! I'm going to call her in the next couple of days and just try to get coffee with her or something.

Yesterday I took a class to become a Starbucks learning coach, so that I can train new baristas. As we were sitting there in the class I realized I was signing up for something that was going to make me "responsible" which is practically a dirty word. But I realize it's something I do very naturally anyway and so I might as well have some official authority behind my "instruction."

Other than that, nothing really exciting has been going on. The holidays are coming which I usually love. I wonder how it's going to be this year, up here away from the party circuit? I'm interested to see what happens, if there are parties and festivities up here or if I'm going to have to make a party myself. Not that I'd mind that terribly.

I can't believe I've been up here for 10 months. Trip.

Early Morning Thoughts

2008-09-24T03:38:00.000-07:00

I started this blog to document my move to a new place and to keep everyone posted on my life in general while I'm so far away. Fortunately, I've been able to find plenty of new ways to communicate with my friends down south and don't feel particularly cut off.

Still, this blog is way fun and so even though I don't really have a lot of newsworthy stuff afoot, I don't plan to give it up any time soon. Talking to people who aren't there is one of my specialties any way!

Gabe and I were in Burbank over the weekend (again) because we went down to see Wicked (again!). My hubby's such a good sport, he's seen it 3 times now and didn't complain hardly at all before we went. Afterwards we both agreed it wasn't the best version we had seen, though.

We went with a couple from Atascadero and I was hoping to get to know them a little better but they didn't even get to the theater til after the lights had gone down, and when went out to post-Wicked dinner, she mostly bonded with her friend from kindergarten she had invited along. So much for that plan.

We went to dinner at LALA's on Melrose. Great food, but disappointing service. After waiting 20 minutes for menus, one of us asked a staff member if we had a waiter. A long moment of silence followed, and "I don't know" was the actual answer we received. Eventually things got straightened out, our food came and all was almost forgiven.

This weekend, I have a big event going on at my house. A very talented massage therapist graces me with her presence once a month, and we decided to throw a spa party. Now, I've got 10 appointments available and exactly ONE got filled. People here are so frustrating. We'll see if any one even actually shows up. Well, besides the one appointment.

Looking back, I see things I could have done differently to coordinate and plan better. But the flyers are out and there's really no turning back.

So when I say "big event" I mean that there's a possibility I might have some people over... or not. Who knows... the way I look at it, it's an opportunity for me to open my doors, be welcoming and hopefully make at least one friend out of this whole shenanigan. Plus! Helllllooooo chocolate fountain!

On a happier note, work is going well and I'm trying to make connections there with the people I work with. Everyone there likes to have fun so it's really never boring. More recently, I've been working past the big morning rush and actually getting to relax for a few minutes at a time, and get to speak to customers a little longer and conversate with my fellow Starbucks partners.

Now I'm off to work!

More Hiking Pics

2008-09-15T09:44:00.001-07:00

Gratuitous Gnome Photo: Into the woods we go! On the left is my new friend Marie, then Brandi my hiking buddy and boss, plus Scooter our tour guide.
Here's the actual trail we were on:

Here's some more pictures of this trail and it's surrounding areas. This one is in San Simeon and gee golly wiz is it pretty.

I can't believe I live so close to this beautiful awesomeness. It's almost (what? I said almost!) as good as Disneyland. Minus the soft serve ice cream stands.

All this hiking is a really good workout but unfortunately I keep eating too much to see any results... Soooo it looks like I'm going to be embarking on a new WLJ (weight loss journey... stop retching) through work. I feel like I might be getting a little bored with the whole Weight Watchers thing. Even though I love it and know it works, I am not doing it so much right now and I think it's because the challenge is gone. So I'm switching it up.

I'm going down to LA in a few days again to see Wicked the Musical for, oh, the 4th time. I swear I'm done for a year or so after that! It helps that it's leaving LA pretty soon and I have no plans to visit Broadway. We're going with a friend of Gabe's and his girlfriend so hopefully it will be some kinda fun double date thing. Wish my socially awkward self good luck.

Disneyland!

2008-09-10T19:43:00.000-07:00

I was down in Burbank the past 3 days and as usual, I stayed pretty busy.

A couple of weeks ago I locked up a date with the ultra-busy Kate for us to go to Disneyland. Giddy was going to meet us there and everything. I made plans to go down to Burbank on Sunday to be fresh and ready to go Monday morning... And then disaster struck! Kate was going to be forced to work by her evil monster of a boss. I was, like, totally bummed. I decided just to mope down to Burbank on Monday instead.

Then I got a call from Kate on Sunday saying she was magically available to go to Disneyland the next day because she was going to quit her horribly toxic job. An hour after I congratulate her and hang up, I'm packed and waving good-bye to the husband and dog, merrily on my way to L.A.

We had a great time! We did not go on the Matterhorn, as I have enough issues with my neck and back thankyouverymuch, but I did snap this photo of its iconic silhouette. I had to look up how to spell "silhouette" because even the correct spelling looks horribly wrong. Moving on.

Here's a picture of my lovely friend on the Alice in Wonderland ride.

We went on Kate's favorite ride, Heimlichs Chew Chew Train. It goes very slowly, yet only lasts about 45 seconds. When you go through the big animal cracker-box, it smells like animal crackers... and when you go through giant watermelon, it spits watermelon scent on you. Um. Moving on.

Here's the hams, hammin' it up. Giddy, Mr. Giddy and Kate at California Screamin.'

We also went on the new Toy Story Mania and HOLY CRAP it was fun. I'd have taken pictures but I was too busy gettting my heinie kicked by the lovely, gentle Kate. I'll get you next time!

I got a Halloween decoration because I love Halloween. Oh, and Tinkerbell is all right too, I guess. If you're into that sort of thing.

Then after we had fun at Walt's Place, Kate took me down the road to Angel's Stadium where I met my hubby for a Yankee spankin' game of baseball. Final score that day: Angels won 12 to 1. (BTW, the Angels clinched the AL West today. I know you don't care but I'm excited.) We had great seats and there was a bench-clearing brawl that was awesome.

That was my Monday.

On Tuesday, I went shopping! I met a couple of girlfriends for dinner where we gabbed and they showered me with love. Then I went to my old meeting hall and got to sit in on a great women's meeting.

Today I got to wear my wedding dress again (long story), which is good because I LOVE IT. All in all, a very good trip. And now I'm home. YAY home!

9 Years

2008-08-30T19:29:00.000-07:00

Nine years ago tonight I was having one of the saddest, loneliest nights of my life. Little did I know what I had in store for me the next day, or the next decade!

I was by myself trying to get through a 12-pack of MGD, not getting drunk. It was as if I had become immune to the effects of alcohol. So I just packed a bag for the rehab I was going to the next day, and went to bed.

The rest is frickin' awesome history! Yes, there have been some seriously difficult challenges the past 9 years. Mostly of my own making and never too big to get over with a little help from my friends and a higher power.

Talking about believing in a power greater than myself is a little strange, but the actual belief part feels natural, like it's always been there. I guess in some ways it has. I can say that my higher power speaks to me through my fellow alcoholics. I have had many people in AA say just the right thing at just the right time, when I was ready to listen.

In the past 8 months I've had to rely more on my abstract faith than the concrete contact with other alcoholics that I had depended on my whole sobriety. It's been quite a learning experience, and I wouldn't change a thing. I'm happy, joyous and free due to working the 12 steps and practicing an upright and honest life.

I'm SO excited to be sober for so long (even though I can't really take all the credit)! Who knows what kind of life I'd have--if any. Instead of misery and hopelessness, I have a way of life that allows me to have a purpose. And I never have to do anything alone. That in itself is worth the price of admission.

Cedric Meets New Heights

2008-08-25T07:54:00.001-07:00

I went to Bishop's Peak again with some ladies from work, one who dubbed Cedric "the roamin' gnome." I like it. Here's Cedric at the bottom of the mountain. He has no idea the bouncy ride he's in for at the bottom of my hiking purse. Yes, I carry a purse when I hike. And yes, I know that's ridiculous. But how else can I hold my pepper spray, chapstick, water, driver's license, credit card, $20 bill and a freakin' gnome in my hands all the way up a mountain? What? I like to be prepared!

These are my co-workers soaking up the view from the top.

Some people like to climb rocks that hang over long drops. I'm not sure that I can appreciate that. Cedric is so nervous about it, he can't even watch.

This is a beautiful view of the men's prison facility, with my lovely gnome posing smugly in front of it.

And finally, the Ladies of Starbucks. From left to right it's Brandi, Megan, Cedric and then ME!

The weirdest thing about me climbing a mountain is that I want to do it again. Like, a third time. And I don't plan to stop after that. What's weird about it is 1) it's outside and 2) it's exercise. Together. I don't know what is happening to me in my old age.

In other non-mountainous news, Jennie arrived late last night for her regularly scheduled visit. YAY! We were going to go the water park but it's CLOSED because school starts again this week. Yes, that's right, I didn't go to the water park one time this summer. Fortunately I'm going to have another chance next year, or else I'd throw a fit.

So we're going to the beach instead. SPF 50, here I come...

Izzy and Scooter

2008-08-18T19:12:00.000-07:00

This is a photo of Cedric with my co-workers, Isabelle and Scott (aka Izzy and Scooter). They are very nice young people! Unfortunately, today is Izzy's last day so we are sad to see her leave.

I am still enjoying my time at Starbucks although my hours have stepped up a bit because so many people are leaving. School is starting and a lot of people have moved... so we're a bit strapped. But hey, it's all an adventure.

I have been a bit more active lately. I went to the park Saturday night and listened to a live band and chatted with a friend. Sunday was a pool party at an AA woman's house that was well attended. It was good for me to see so many women together in one spot, not at a meeting.

It makes me hopeful for my own party that is brewing in my head...

Bishop's Peak

2008-08-12T15:23:00.000-07:00

I know I've been a little whiny one-note lately... But I'm being proactive.

Yesterday evening I hiked up Bishop's Peak with a new friend... But, Angela you say, you don't go hiking for the love of Joseph! And I reply: Hey, I was invited somewhere and I wasn't about to turn it down.

I was sucking some serious wind but I made it to the top. I was so grateful to my feet for making it to the top, I snapped a picture of them and promised them their 15 minutes of blog fame: I'm not sore, thanks to the step classes I take I guess. So that's good. I would even do it again. Especially since I forgot Cedric, and he would just love the panoramic views. You remember Cedric:

And here's the view from the top:

There are many reasons that choosing to say yes to a hiking invitation was a good thing to do, but the biggest reason is definitely that I'm showing the universe some willingness.

Meet Liz

2008-07-31T13:14:00.001-07:00

I found a lizard on our screen yesterday. It was so tiny! Just another brush with nature, up here in the sticks...

I finally got the number of who to contact for the meeting hall I'd like to use Friday nights. I ended up going to the place while there was a meeting on and there was a number posted on the wall. Now I just have to call it. *sigh* All this work I must do...

Here's a weird thing:

I am at work yesterday and I look up at the next customer who just happens to be some one I know from Burbank. She asks me what I'm doing there and since I'm the one in the apron I feel like I can say "Oh no what are you doing here?" I figured she must be on her way to parts north. But no. She moved here two weeks ago, with her son. She lives less than 10 miles away from me.What a bizarre moment that was.

I don't know her well but we were always cordial enough. So I invited her to join me at a meeting tonight, but I had to leave a message. That's right people! I used a PHONE. Don't any one drop dead out there. I haven't heard back from her but the day ain't over yet!

I don't remember if I've mentioned my boss yet. Anyways, she's cool and I think we're going to eventually hang out. That makes me happy. She actually seems very interested in hanging out, unlike the lady I went out with on Tuesday.

The woman I went out with on Tuesday was, by her own admission, stepping out of her comfort zone. I won't name names but that was a really uncomfortable 45 minutes. She is really nice but just doesn't like women much yet. I am a woman, hence the awkward-osity of lunch. It was nice of her to try though.

That's the saga of lately. I'll let you know if I see that lizard again.

Party?

2008-07-28T12:52:00.000-07:00

Friday was fun. Only two women showed up but they came ready to have a good time! We played the Wii for a while and talked for a while. There was just a little snacking.

Although I had a great time with Tish and Mo, I have to say I was disappointed that no one else made it. I will simply have to keep trying, and maybe even try harder. Eventually I will force people to have a good time with me.

My next plan of attack is to start a meeting. It will be a meditation meeting on Friday nights, hopefully down the street from my home. I just have to get the information for the meeting hall, somehow, some way. There is no google listing, no 411, nothing in the phone book. I guess I will have to make a trip down there, probably tonight.

I'm going to have lunch with a woman tomorrow, we've never really talked a lot before so I look forward to getting to know her a little better. She seems really nice but doesn't go to the women's meetings... at least not the ones that I go to. Not that there's a huge selection! Anyways, I'm hoping we can be friendlier, if not actual friends.

Attack of the Self-Doubt

2008-07-24T12:18:00.000-07:00

I invited a few women over to my house tomorrow night. It was really scary, hard to click the send button on the invitation...

Every time I throw a party I'm all jazzed until about an hour before when I realize that NO ONE IS COMING. And that I'm a total idiot and they're all going to laugh at me.

But then what usually happened in Burbank is the doorbell would ring and my friends would come in and make merry with me.

We'll see what happens in Atascadero. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

BTW, if you're reading this and you're a woman I have at least shared email addresses with, you are invited too. Come on by!

Hmmmmmmmmm

2008-07-19T17:52:00.000-07:00

Life is just humming along.

I had houseguests for almost 2 weeks straight and it's kind of weird to be here, just Gabe and me. Not that I don't love visitors! But it's hard to be "on" all the time, always feeling like I needed to be entertaining.

Now that the fires have gone away, our air quality is slowly returning to normal. I swear it looked like the San Fernando Valley around here. All nasty and smoggy.

I'm still loving the job, my co-workers are really nice and supportive. And boy is it satisfying to make a drink well. I like small, easily attainable goals thankyouverymuch. I've never worked in the food service industry, or any face to face job. Thankfully I'm not in the complaint department!

Gabe gave me an easel for our 1st wedding anniversary...

I painted a couple pictures for my bathroom:

The top one is still a work in progress, but the bottom one makes me happy! I love painting, it's seriously impossible to think of anything else.

And I've been watching a lot of HGTV. A lot. Home & Garden TV. Yes, I'm imagining a "feature wall" in the living room and a complete redo of our fireplace. I'm talking sledgehammers and riverstone. I need help and I can admit it.

Like I said, life is humming along. I've kinda figured out a plan of attack to gain some girlfriends up here. It mostly involves playing games, and well, meditation. I'll keep you updated.

Is it the middle of July already?!

2008-07-12T04:12:00.000-07:00

My mom has gone back to Phoenix after a very pleasant stay. We didn't do a whole lot of sight seeing, but we managed to make it to Morro Bay once. I was a little disappointed, my favorite scenic drive (the 46 West to Cambria) was completely ruined by haze from all the big fires. We're smack dab in the middle of the Goleta and Big Sur blazes.

The sunsets have been beautiful, reds and oranges and pinks. But during the day most of the time my mom was in town it almost looked like LA with a thick hazy, smoky nasty air quality. Of course, the day after she leaves, the wind kicks in and it's just gorgeous again! Big fluffy clouds sailing by on a bright blue backdrop.

This morning I have been mentally planning my attack on the women of the Central Coast. I think I'm going to start a meeting, as soon as I figure out how to rent some space to do that in. That's as far as I've gotten, it's too early to make any real decisions.

My friend Jennie is coming up on Monday and I'm excited to spend some time with her. She wants to watch the third season of Buffy which I just happen to have on DVD. So, between that and eating cheese, she and I will probably have quite a rockin' time.

Have a great weekend every one! Here's my favorite picture of Tahiti to get you in the mood:

07/07/08

2008-07-08T03:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Gabe and my first wedding anniversary. We had a great day, just chillin' and watching The Office after sleeping in til after 8am! We went to dinner and ate really well.

But mostly we just marvelled at the year. We did so much this past year, including getting married and moving 200 miles away from home and our support system. It's been great spending time and being there for each other. I love that he is officially and legally my family.

The best part of the whole thing is that I still feel like I'm living a fairy tale princess life. The feeling that it's all going to be taken from me at any second has all but disappeared over the past year. People who say marriage doesn't change anything... I don't know about that. I feel safer and happier than I have ever felt. YAY!!

Mama Mia!

2008-07-03T09:33:00.000-07:00

My mom is here so I have been busy! I definitely haven't had time to feel sorry for myself, which is good.

We went and saw two movies that were fun. We've hung out and done some nothing, and eaten a whole bunch. We're going to do a cheese extravaganza night like I do with all my guests.

I like having my mom around, there's just something warm and fuzzy about a mom. She seems to like it here, plus the weather has been great, not too hot. She lives in Phoenix, so she's in heaven right now.

I feel a lot better, I have survived yet another pity party and have come out of it with a new resolve. People of the Central Coast, get ready to have fun! I'm comin' for ya. Right after my mom leaves. You have one week to prepare.

Sailing away

2008-06-25T08:16:00.000-07:00

The pity boat has sailed this morning. It all started when I made two phone calls (yes, you read that correctly) and neither one was returned. How dare they be busy or have lives in any way that don't involve calling me back immediately!? It's been at least a week, and I have lost hope that they will be returning the calls. So sad. But do I call them back and remind them that I love them and want to talk to them? Noooooooooo.

Why would I do that when I can take a swim in Lake Sorry-for-Myself?

I feel kind of at a loss right now. Very powerless over my situation, which is never a good feeling. I don't even want to give up but I feel very tired at the prospect of forcing my friendship on people until they realize that it's FUN to be friends with me. Because suddenly I'm not so sure I am that good of a friend.

Now, I know that I am able to hold a mutual conversation, I have a sense of humor, I've read a lot of books and travelled a little. I have actually had an interesting life and am interested in other people's lives and feelings too. I have love and compassion. Yet self-doubt creeps in.

What is a good friend any way? I know what I want in a friend, and what I want to be like as a friend. But who knows what another person's idea of friendship is...

Having said all of that and given this some thought as I type, I have found a bright side to this whole thing... As bad as all of this might seem, at least it's not dating.

Babble

2008-06-21T09:32:00.000-07:00

Life is really settling in around here. I'm getting used to my job, my husband seems to be fine and the dog is happy. I was greeted warmly by some one who knew my name at a meeting recently and that felt really good.

It's been over 100 degrees every day so I'm inside most of the time, just like in the winter. But there's a water park close by so I look forward to hanging out there. I think I'm going to make my husband take me on Monday... or maybe tomorrow and Monday. Break out the SPF!!

We had a couple over last night to eat dinner and play games. The guy is a friend of Gabe's and they're very nice. So that was fun... we made a couple-friend! They're bright and funny, and they were really good sports about being spanked at Pictionary.

This weekend is the Tiki event at Disneyland and while technically I could still go, it's just too much. Too much gas money and driving and time, but I do feel bad. I want to celebrate with Giddy and the birthday girl Kate and whomever else might be attending. Damn being a grown up. Gals, if you're reading this, I expect nothing less than a blow by blow report of any and all happenings, events, moments, meals and purchases.

That's all for now. Ta-ta.

Neglect

2008-06-14T06:44:00.000-07:00

I feel like I had to blow the dust off of my blog this morning! I've been lazy...

I also haven't taken any pictures recently, as I have no idea how to get them onto my computer now that it's all rebooted. I have all my pictures and music still on there (hooray for Gabe) but every thing else had to be reinstalled. It's all techno-complicated and I can't even stand that so I'll just ignore it for awhile til I really want to show you something.

Work is going well, they threw me on the coffee bar by myself yesterday which was a little daunting. Although I didn't do it very quickly, I did everything right... well at least no one handed a drink back to me. I only had to remake two drinks behind the bar, and that's because I tried to make them at the same time... and promptly forgot which one was which. Oops.

My trip to LA was fantastic and whirlwind. Monday I left town early and got to LA at about 1pm. I went to the mall on Topanga which is a little swank for me (who needs real plates and cutlery in a mall food court? I understand the eco-factor but that's not why they're doing it.) Then I went to see my cousin and her little family, her baby is darling. I wish I could show you a picture but of course I didn't take any.

I got to see many of my friends on Tuesday night, it was a lovefest at the meeting. I feel kind of embarrassed by all the lovin' but at the same time, I am so happy that there are people as happy to see me as I am to see them! One of my friends is pregnant and it's cool to see her in different belly-stages. I wish I would've taken a picture. *sigh*

Wednesday, my cousin Angie and I (we're both named after our maternal grandmother) went to Anaheim for a baseball game in which the Angels came back for a win. So that was a blast. Also no pictures, lame.

Now I'm off for another Starbucks adventure. I'm sure that I'm going to be "training" on how to make cold drinks, although that's pretty much all I did yesterday. Ah, the corporate experience.

Opening shift

2008-06-09T03:40:00.000-07:00

Hi, it's early. My shift is 4:15am to 8:45am today. So I am up a little before that so I can be somewhat less zombified by the time I get to work. This time of the morning is so surreal to me. It's a little too late to be up and waaaaaaaaay too early to get up. Typically, I never see 3:45am unless I am tortured by sleeplessness.

Why this early shift, you ask? Right now I'm not sure I have an answer. But it sounded good at the time. Honestly it's not that bad. For some reason getting up at any hour doesn't bug me after I've shaken off the cobwebs. And working part time is practically like being on vacation any way after a decade of 8 hour shifts. Plus, if I get tired: I WORK AT STARBUCKS!

I usually wake up a little before I'm supposed to be somewhere so I can do my morning pages, but for some reason I feel like it's way too early to write 3 pages of anything right now. Besides, when I get home it will still technically be morning for 3 more hours.

But I've got a little time to kill so I thought I'd blog instead. Lucky you... ha!

I'm going to LA today and of course I'm packing in a weeks worth of stuff into two and a half days. Dinner with family, a tour of the Sealy factory, dinner with friends, a meeting, a baseball game in Anaheim, dinner with a friend. I'll probably squeeze in a few coffee sessions with some of my other gals as well. Then I will come home and miss every one again, but be grateful to be with my husband and Rammie.

I like it here

2008-06-07T07:50:00.000-07:00

Booklove

2008-06-04T18:03:00.000-07:00

Ok this time Kate has tagged me with a book, um, meme. What does "meme" mean? Help.

Total number of books I've owned:

I, like Kate, am a massive book consumer. I have no idea how many books I've owned and cannot imagine a life where I could assess that number with any accuracy. I would say at least a thousand, maybe more.

The last book I bought:

Surprisingly, I have been very good about not purchasing books lately, as I have no income with which to purchase them. The last book I bought was Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer. It is a young adult vampire novel. It's a little too romantic to be in my favorites list, but it's a good series. I almost exclusively read YA and kid fantasy fiction. Because I'm a grown up and I feel like it, that's why!

The last book I read:

I am in the middle of Eclipse right now. Before that I finished up Dead Girls Dance by Rachel Caine. Both YA vampire books. Hmmmm.

Five books that mean something to me:

1. I looove A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein. If you started me with the first line of any poem in there, I still might be able to give you a few lines back. Couldn't get enough. The one about the sad clown got. me. every. time.

2. Wicked by Gregory Maguire. You knew that was coming, didn't you? Something about the alternative alternative reality and the exploration of Oz's inner workings... the why of it all. Plus, if I never read it, I never would have seen the musical, which I have fallen even more in love with than the book. I wish anything else of Maguire's was even halfway interesting to me. But the rest of his books are crap. Don't read 'em.

3. The Time Traveller's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. Sad, but lovely. I'm going to read it again someday when I feel emotionally ready. It's been a few years but it sure hit me hard.

4. The Rule of Bone by Russell Banks. This was significant to my life especially when I read it, because I was getting into a lot of trouble. But the protagonist in this book is digging a hole straight to hell! So I could feel a little better about myself. Plus the guy is an AMAZING writer.

5. Paula by Isabelle Allende. This book breaks my no-non-fiction-please rule because I love Allende and was reading a lot of her. This one got through the cracks. This book made me love my mother in a whole new way.

It's definitely hard to narrow it down to five books out of all that I've read that have touched my life in special ways. Judy Blume made my childhood easier. Stephen King made it scarier. Garth Nix made my adulthood childlike again.

I tag Kat, Miss Bliss and Mary S!

Great, now I'm all emotional and nostalgic... I love to read SO much. If you are at a loss for things to read, please ask me because I've read so many I'm positive you'll love. I've read across a lot of genres. And even if I didn't tag you, tell me what your favorite books are!

Starbucks 101

2008-06-03T11:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my first day as an employee at Starbucks. There was some intake papers to fill out (welcome back to corporate America, Angela) and some computer based training to do. I also met some very friendly co-workers and realized how much Starbucks focuses on customer service. Duh. I just thought they were being nice to me because I was nice to them first...

It was really fun and exciting to be there. What an adventure! I'm hoping to enjoy the process of learning and trying new things. This will be a new thing for me, as I am all about results usually. I have faith that I will succeed at being in the moment most of the time, although I'm sure I'll have to be reminded to do it occasionally. Feel free to remind me and thanks in advance.

Plus I got my schedule for the week and I am free over the weekend for the plans that I made!

Life is good and I am grateful.

Old friends, new jobs

2008-05-31T21:42:00.001-07:00

Computer still not working, darkness reigns across the land... will we ever see my silly Cedric pics again?

On a brighter note, my friend from 5th grade has come up to spend the weekend with me and we are having a fine time. We spent the day in downtown Paso Robles, shopped and got some cheese for dinner.

Had a little grazing feast and then I taught her cribbage, at which she promptly kicked my ass. I'm not going to call her any names though, because she's going to read this. Good game, Lish!

We played some extremely lopsided Wii games, both beating each other soundly at different things. And now we have retreated to our respective laptops: she downloading my CD collection and me, well, blogging.

Partying and sleepovers are different when you're 32. The food is better, and I can have as many sodas as I want. The music is better because we have taste now, and NKOTB may have gotten back together, but not in my home. I am enjoying it a lot more than when I was a child because I know I'm not going to get my face written on when I fall asleep... hopefully.

I start my shiny new job on Monday at 4pm. Feel free to come and witness me conquering a new frontier! I'll make you a latte and sell you a mug or something...

I went and did my uniform shopping on Thursday and found stuff that fit me fine. I ignored the size on the labels and therefore enjoyed myself thoroughly. Ah, the secret to my complete shopping satisfaction, finally revealed!!

slideshow fun

2008-05-29T09:45:00.000-07:00

Does not Compute

2008-05-28T16:07:00.000-07:00

My computer caught a virus. It is bad. I have no way to access my files. I only backed up my wedding photos, and not the billion silly pictures of my life that had tucked in all safe in my hard drive. I am sad.

I know that I am not the first person that this has happened to, and that makes me feel a little better. But still. IT SUCKS.

What really sucks is that my husband worked on the computer for TEN HOURS (not an exaggeration, he's a tenacious man) and then when he thought it might be all better... he turned it on, and it made the same noise it made TEN HOURS BEFORE.

Nightmare!

There's still a computer in the house and at the store, so I am still able to communicate with the outside world. (What, a phone you say? Surely you jest. Hello 1985! Unless it's a text message.)

And I'm still able to get my blog fixes. I have the standards that I check constantly (see "blogs I dig" to the right) and now I have a new blogfriend. Go here: http://www.giddygirlie.com/ and check her blog out if you're into funny.

I will soon put her on my "blogs I dig" but I feel she must get a special mention as she is the first person who I know that I have never met. I have finally entered the 21st century, and look ma! No myspace.

(Yes that's right. I'm not on myspace. I know that's grounds for some kind of social outcastery but I just can't do it.)

Anyways!

I am going to miss my pictures and music if they can't be saved. I am keeping my fingers crossed that I will get home and Gabe will be all like "it's fixed honey. I truly am your knight in shining armor. Can I have a sandwich?" And I'll be all "sure" because I always like making sandwiches.

Got the Call

2008-05-25T14:28:00.000-07:00

Finally got the call from Starbucks.

I should start in the next week or so... YAY!

Thanks for all your good luck, well wishes and general positive mojo.

Signs Point to Yes

2008-05-21T00:32:00.000-07:00

The gal that did my second interview said she was 99.9% sure I'd be getting a call by Friday, telling me I got the job. That's pretty exciting news.

(It is not, however, the reason why I can't sleep. I don't normally post at 12:30am, but unfortunately my back is killing me. It's been worse, but it hardly ever keeps me up. Frankly, very little can keep me up once I've decided to sleep. So I'm very disturbed that my attempt this evening/early morning has been foiled.)

So if I start, it will probably be the end of next week. I am looking forward to it! I get to do a little bit of clothes shopping. It's for boring clothes and I'm about 10 pounds heavier than I want to be but still, shopping is shopping. And I get to make a little bit of money. And I get to add a little structure to my life. There's a lot of upside in this for me, for my little family.

Plus, if I get the job I won't have to process the feelings of rejection I dealt with when TJ's didn't hire me! I don't like rejection much...

Believe me, I'll let you know the second I do when I officially have the job. Wheeeee!

Just for fun: Here's a picture of Cedric, chilling with Tinker Bell at the Animal Kingdom. Yeah, he's got it like that...

Wha...?

2008-05-19T20:39:00.000-07:00

Ok so I think I'm a little disoriented.

I spent the first few days of our honeymoon with this familiar feeling of dread. I realized about the 2nd or 3rd day that I was on emotional auto-pilot. See, I've spent the past 13 years doing that. I always had to go back to my job at the end of my travels. I would start worrying about how bad work was going to suck when I had to go back, thus casting a pall over what would be a lovely time if I could only stay present.

Then I remembered that I don't work there any more! Oh the joy! That didn't stop the feeling from coming back over and over, of course. But I always had a way to get rid of it.

Now we're home and I feel a little out of sorts. Guilty that I don't have to go back to grindstone, maybe? At any rate, I'm not sure what to do with myself. I have a 2nd interview with Starbucks tomorrow and I'm hoping that I get the job for plenty of reasons.

I haven't really settled into a meeting routine yet, and the one meeting I try to go to for sure is during my interview tomorrow evening. I was going to a meeting in San Luis on Fridays but it's too far to drive with gas being what it is... It's silly to go that far for a meeting when there's plenty of good ones literally down the street. I also don't have a sponsor up here yet. I asked some one but they live 40 miles away. Again, silly.

The awesome thing is that I'm really happy. As out of sorts as I might be, it's mostly because I'm being inundated with good stuff.

I hope you have enjoyed my stream-of-consciousness/journal entry/confession/update...

Wish me luck

2008-05-16T18:15:00.000-07:00

I called yesterday and made a second interview appointment at Starbucks for Tuesday at 5pm.

Today I am in the store, and after having had a great day yesterday... today=nothing. Nada. Zip.

Bummer. Maybe next week...

I am happy that it's Friday and I get to spend the weekend with my hubby. Hopefully he won't need to work too much, and we get to watch the Angels-Dodgers series. Like, as it's happening. Which we don't usually get to do, thanks to the miracle of DVR and full lives.

I am missing my friends after having just seen a little of a few of them... I've had some nibbles at a few of my friends/relatives visiting up here but nothing solid yet. My mom is coming out in July, I hope that works out.

I met with a gal for dinner and it went well. It's amazing how much women can talk! I don't even remember everything we talked about but it was nice just to get to know some one a little. I am so comfortable with the friends I already have, I resist wanting to get new ones, but that's just being stubborn and silly.

It's about one hundred degrees here and I wish I had this crazy awesome thing or even this ever so slightly less fun toy. Why oh WHY did they not have these when I was a kid? We put down garbage bags on the lawn to pretend like we had a Slip n Slide. There's room in our front yard but no kids to explain why we have a water bouncer on our lawn. Alas, the water park in Paso isn't open until next weekend. So I guess I will just have to turn on the sprinklers and pretend I am four years old again as I run through them.

Wish you were here!

Have a great weekend what ever you end up doing. :)

Small town job hunt

2008-05-14T17:55:00.001-07:00

I applied at Starbucks before we went on vacation, and I hadn't heard anything from them. So I went in yesterday and lo and behold the manager (Brandi) that I got the original application from was there.

She whipped out a clipboard when I asked about jobs and said "I've got space at noon for an interview." I went in at noon and it went very well. So well in fact that when I went to meet a potential friend for dinner, Brandi was in the restaurant (small town!) and told me she'd call me today to set up a second interview.

Well, she didn't call and I forgot to call til right now and she's already gone. I'll get on that tomorrow.

Disney photos

2008-05-14T13:23:00.000-07:00

Greetings from WDW

2008-05-06T13:03:00.002-07:00

Checking in with Cedric... my husband's waiting in our convertible.

Later, Cedric hangs with the gals...

I think Snow White has a thing for our gnome friend...

We spent a little time at Epcot.

Minnie has a beautiful butterfly collection!

My hubby, doing as the Norwegians do.

Cedric in Asia, somewhere...

Dinosaurs make nice hats.

As you can see, we are having fun.

Funny hats are funny

2008-05-06T13:03:00.000-07:00

Honeymoon and more

2008-04-27T08:18:00.000-07:00

We're leaving today for Burbank, from there we'll take off to our honeymoon in Orlando on Wednesday. The day after we get back I'm off to the Mother's Day retreat. I'm packing a lot into the next two weeks.

I'm really excited but of course I'm also having a little anxiety. I'm doing my best to ignore it as it's not really a helpful emotion and there's nothing constructive about worrying. So I'm focusing on the positive which is that we get to stay at a kick ass resort for free (wedding present) and roam around Disney World for 8 days. Ok, now I'm stoked again.

This morning I'm meeting a friend from Burbank for coffee and a meeting. She's up here staying in Morro Bay, so we thought we'd get together. I can't say enough how much I love having people up to my part of the world, even for a 3 hour visit. It's so great that I get to live in such a wonderful "new" place, and get to share it with my "old" friends.

I can't wait to see everybody when I get down to Burbank. Yes, if you're reading this, that probably means YOU!

April 23rd

2008-04-23T13:01:00.001-07:00

Today is Cedric's 203rd birthday... it's also my husband's 32nd.

Who knew they'd have so much in common? They have the same exact birthday, and they both love Gabe's new hammock.

Welcome to the good life, Cedric.

Whew!

2008-04-21T19:13:00.000-07:00

I had quite a day yesterday. It was a blast.

I awoke early, having arrived in Burbank Saturday night. I went to the meditation meeting and sat still with my eyes closed for half an hour (without falling asleep thankyouverymuch). That was a great, centering way to begin what was to be quite a whirlwind.

I met a girlfriend at Starbucks in the Great Indoors. We talked for about half an hour and then I took a deep breath and dove into my crazy day...

First, off to a church in L.A. and hung out with a priest and my co-captain of the Mother's Day retreat. I was kickin' it in a priests' living room, listening to his four foot high quad speakers. Apparently, my friend Father Terry likes to rock. The man is very big on Beethoven.

We went to a vegan restaurant in Silver Lake called Green Leaves and I got the pad thai. It was good, but I really like dead animals as food. My co-captain Vicki got gluten free pancakes and soy chicken and her eyeballs were rolling back in her head. Father Terry was slightly resentful at the shrimp dish that didn't have real shrimp... but he's a spiritual man so he ordered the chow mein.

Then I boogied back to Burbank to meet up with Kate and we strolled downtown, shopped, chatted and were tempted by frozen yogurt, but finally got goodies at Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory.

So THEN it was time for my birthday party at Romancing the Bean, thrown for me by the lovely Tianana. About 10 of my absolutely favorite women showed up and showered me with love and loot! Everything was great, except the rosewater fiasco! One thing that was given to me was Cedric. Everyone, meet Cedric the gnome:

He's standing on the remains of my gluten-free birthday cake.

After spending five hours talking to my girlfriends, I left for my father-in-law's house to watch a game one of the NBA playoffs. Lakers vs. Nuggets, and the Lakers looked great and won the game.

I floated off to bed, content with a day well spent.

This morning, I met another girlfriend for coffee. After that, Cedric and I were ready to head for home.

Before we left, I decided to get my toes done.

I love them.

And here's a shot of Cedric with my birthday loot:

In a Hurry

2008-04-11T08:28:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I was hurrying through making a sandwich and cut the tippy-top of my pinkie off. Well it's still there, a meat flap hanging by a shred of skin which I'm not interested in ripping off. So it will stay there until I am interested in ripping it off, which will be sometime after the meat flap dries and hardens and starts catching on things.

Ok that was gross. But you know that's how it happens.

I started wondering which character defect makes a person unintentionally mutilate themself. I realize for me it's impatience. I want to hurry through whatever I am doing right now to get to whatever I'm going to hurry through next.

Also, I can throw a little laziness in the mix. Yes, not only was I hurrying, I was also cutting corners on safety. I don't want to fully take the time to do everything right because I strive for efficiency in all things. That can be very oxymoronic when an injury doubles the time it takes to make the sandwich because you have to stop and put your head between your knees.

So impatience and laziness in combination add up to consequences that I'm no longer willing to accept. My mission right now is to learn how to slow down and be thorough. The problem is that I want to do it as quickly and easily as possible!

That reminds me of one of my favorite quotes. Patience is a virtue, I can't wait to get some!

On an end note, typing with a partially severed finger tip can be a challenge.

32 woo hoo hoo

2008-04-08T08:09:00.000-07:00

Hey! It's my birthday! Woo! I'm 32 now. This is what a 32 year old looks like when she wakes up in the morning. That's my favorite tree in the background... Hi tree!

I am so grateful to have made it this far, and to be having so much fun living. I am seriously having a great time. There was a time where living wasn't very much fun... but now those times are a long way away. I only remember them with a sense of thankfulness, that I no longer live that way.

Of course I am up earlier than my husband, so it's taking all my restraint not to wake him up and beg for my present! Well that's on one hand. On the other hand I'm kind of enjoying the silent, solitary celebration at the start of my day.

The only thing that will be missing this year is getting to hang with my girls. I am so sad that I didn't think to throw myself a party in Santa Barbara or something so us gals could meet half way. I guess it's not too late... watch out! You might be getting an invitation... any one interested?

I already got a few emails and cards and I expect my mother's call around 2:22pm since that is the time I was born and she always calls me then. I'm happy I wasn't born at 6am!

My cousin and her little family came to visit over the weekend. Her daughter is 4 months old and a pretty good time! She reacts to smiles and is a wiggle wormy bundle of wonder. Kim and I went shopping a little on Saturday. There is a cheese store in downtown Paso. Yes you read that correctly: cheese store. Wow. So we got some cheese and had a cheese platter dinner. One of my favoritest dinners EVER. I won't go into it but just know that I don't say that lightly.

Well I'm off to enjoy my special day! I hope all of you have a great day... Let me know what you think about a meeting halfway birthday shopping eating sight-seeing extravaganza.

Disappointed

2008-04-01T09:11:00.000-07:00

Well, I didn't get the job. The guy said I interviewed really well and that I'm next in line, but that he went with some one with grocery experience. Damn! He also said that he would recommend me to the San Luis Obispo store, so now I kind of have a decision to make.

It's about 20 miles away and with gas prices the way they are it's a tough choice. I realized I would really like to try working for TJ's more than any of my other options, but that doesn't mean I would hate working at the other places. Hmm.

When I look at it written down it seems like a no-brainer though. A 40 mile round trip commute for a grocery job? That just seems silly. Better just to work at a local Starbucks, or at the Target. Believe it or not, these options are exciting to me. When I worked at the phone company, I fantasized about a "normal" job that you could just apply for and not have it be a lifelong commitment.

Well, just wanted to report in about the job situation... I'm bummed. I know that everything happens for a reason, but that doesn't mean I have to love it all while it's happening!

Monday Musings

2008-03-31T11:12:00.000-07:00

I am still waiting to hear back from Trader Joe's. I wish they'd call me already! I hate waiting. I would like everything that I want to happen to happen immediately when I want it to. I don't know if you can identify with that.

That, however, does not fall under the category of enjoying the journey. Seeing as that has been my focus the last few months, I will try to fit this job hunt thing into that too. I guess, if I have to. I haven't died in the past week any way so a couple more hours can't hurt.

Something that I'm really dealing with right now is not wanting to sing. I finally get exactly what I want and now I'm so afraid I'm practically paralyzed. It's really scary to me how strong my fears can get, and how much damage they can do to my life if I let them. I am determined to fight through my fear and do what needs to be done, regardless of my feelings.

Feelings are not facts. The fact is that if I blow this opportunity I am going to kick myself. I don't want to do that any more. So I'm going to put on my big girl pants on and act grown up about the whole thing. As in be responsible, do my homework, show up and put forth my best effort.

New Experience Alert!

2008-03-25T09:00:00.000-07:00

I have never gone on a job interview. That is until yesterday, when I interviewed for a job at Trader Joe's. Oooh, I'm so excited. I could hardly sleep last night after having such an exciting day. Now we play the waiting game to find out if I got the job, which is an excitement all to itself. I know, I know, I'm easily entertained.

I think I would like to have a part-time job. Let's face it, money's tight all over and good benefits are hard to come by for a bipolar alcoholic like myself. And if you can come by them, they are not cheap.

Then there is the fun factor. I think I would have a great time working there. I realize work is work, but I think I will finally get an opportunity to work for fun and for free, and see what that's truly like. Because while I tried to maintain that attitude at the phone company, I failed miserably. All the TJ's employees I have talked to in the past couple of years have nothing but good things to say about working there.

So, in a nutshell, YAY! I'm so stoked for this. I know that it's not going to be all sunshine and rainbows. I'm worried that it will cut into my singing stuff. There's all kinds of X factors, such as management and co-workers being difficult or not liking my hours. However, I am pretty sure that I will be able to take these things in stride, and maintain my serenity.

Happy random Friday thoughts

2008-03-21T08:18:00.000-07:00

Ah, spring! I am so happy it's spring-y outside. I am not a cold weather person. One of the ways I knew Gabe was perfect for me was when he said he would never live in a place where it snows. Yes, I make major life decisions based on climate. It's a huge part of life! Don't judge.

Yesterday I went to Ken the Keyboarder's house and we "jammed." That's musician speak for getting together and playing random music. It seems like things are going well. I really like singing, but I'm still a little timid. It's been a while and I'm rusty. Occasionally I'll have bursts of letting go, but it's very vulnerable. I just have to build a little confidence in myself. The only way to do that is to sing more.

So I'll probably take some lessons or some singing classes. It would be optimal to do it in a group setting, to get to know people and also to get used to singing in front of groups again. I'm excited.

Also exciting is that our honeymoon is coming up. We're going to Orlando to explore the Disneyverse. I am doing research like a crazy person, and I'm having lots of fun figuring it all out.

So much fun in fact, that I realize it's been a week since I talked to any of my friends. I have done some emailing and a little instant messaging but I think it's a bad idea to get out of touch with what is still my home base for now, as far as my support network.

Oh, and I need your help again. I am still looking for song suggestions, but now I have more of a focus. I'm looking for pop, standards and easier listening. Stuff that's pretty popular. Think Norah Jones, Colbie Caillat, Michelle Branch. I know it's not exactly thrilling but I'm really able to nail that stuff. And that's what I need to get my confidence up.

Back from Burbank

2008-03-14T10:03:00.000-07:00

I had such a good time in Burbank. I'm glad that I stayed longer than I wanted to because I got to hang out with a pair of girlfriends for four hours that felt like 20 minutes yesterday.

We got home about 2:30 this morning and I was so stoked to get to sleep in my own bed. There's no place like home. And this is my home now. It feels weird saying that because so much of my heart is in Burbank still, beating along with my home group and all of my friends.

But the cool thing about people is that we're portable! So all of those people that inhabit Burbank are free to wander up to see us, and of course I'm free to wander down there to see them. I have been talking to my girlfriends more regularly on the phone since I moved and really getting to invest time in friendship. I don't feel forgotten or abandoned as I might have feared.

I went to the women's meeting on Tuesday and my heart was bursting the whole time. It was absolutely exhilarating to be in that room with all that energy just bouncing off the walls. Even though I can't attend regularly, it's nice to know that meeting is pouring all that juice into the universe every week.

And unfortunately I didn't get to hang out with every one that I would have liked to, but I did get to talk a few people's ears off. That was SO MUCH FUN!

To all my Burbank friends: it was great to see you, if only for a few moments. Just your proximity filled my tank. I feel great.

Set List

2008-03-06T12:46:00.000-08:00

For those of you interested (hi Mom!) I have put together a little set list of songs I will hope to be singing at a coffee shop near you... er, near me.

Don't Know Why (Norah Jones)
Chain of Fools (I like the Commitments version)
You Don't Know Me (standard)
Fire (Pointer Sisters)
Good Lovin' (the Rascals)
Ain't No Sunshine (Bill Withers)
Heard it Through the Grapevine (Marvin Gaye version)
Stand By Me (Ben E. King)
Moondance (Van Morrison)
Fever (standard)
Bubbly (Colbie Caillat)

and I have 3 Bonnie Raitt songs in contention: Have a Heart, I Can't Make You Love Me, and Thing Called Love.

As you might figure, I loves me some Bonnie. If you know these 3 songs and have a preference please vote.

I love the input I received. Keep it coming. I don't know how much control/input I'm going to have with this duo thing but I love to hear your opinions any way.

Also, tell me what you think of the set list. I know it's kind of generic. I think our goal is to be as vanilla whitebread as possible. Which isn't exactly "sexy" but it will probably get us more gigs. And gig=good!

Crafty!

2008-03-02T08:18:00.000-08:00

I liked doing this cross stitch because it required effort and concentration, mixed with some pretty immediate gratification. Plus the message was very Zen, so I didn't feel like I had to hurry up and get to the finished product.

My friend Jennie arrived last night and we don't have any plans but I'm sure something will come out of the day. It's so relaxing up here that it's tempting not to do anything but look out the window and watch the yard react to the sunlight. Still, I'm pretty sure we'll go to Cambria and follow Highway 1 down to Morro Bay, then cut across back home. Maybe this time I'll take some pictures! Duh...

I hope to remember that life is a journey today, and stop trying so hard to arrive at whatever I have decided is my destination.

Scaredy cat!

2008-02-29T20:52:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went to meet a man about a singing/keyboard duo. I would be doing the singing half. Since I haven't performed for a live audience in over 10 years, he's not exactly thrilled with my resume. But he must think I'm halfway decent because he's asked me to do a little song homework.

Since I met him over the internet, Gabe drove me to his house. He came in with me and just got to know the guy, who is named Ken and is, to my great relief, not an ax murderer. Just a dude that's been playing keys for a long time.

Now for those of you who don't know by now, singing is my thing. I've been avoiding it for years for whatever reason, but all my excuses have fallen away, leaving me to either admit I don't really love singing and performing or that I really really do.

This Artist's Way book I have been doing is really helping to pave the way for me creatively. I hesitate to get very airy-fairy about the whole thing but certainly something is happening that this opportunity to sing in exactly the way I want has appeared.

As far as I see it, I'm being given a gift all wrapped up in a neat little package. I love presents! I'll let you know what happens as this unfolds.

Oh by the way, got any favorites? I'd love some comments on your favorite songs to hear at a wedding or small gathering. Standards or contemporary... I'm open. I'm supposed to come up with a few songs and I know sometimes the best ideas come from some one else's head!

Addiction alert!

2008-02-27T17:02:00.001-08:00

I've been playing online poker tournaments with play money and I don't know if I'm going to be able to stop. I think I could quit if I wanted to. But really, I don't want to. So I just thought I'd do a little confessing. While I could be out saving the whales and protesting global warming, I am instead hunkered over a computer, agonizing over whether or not my ace is worth 3000 virtual chips with a only a lowly 5 kicker.

Terrible.

And terribly entertaining.

You know what? I'm doing it right now. I mean as I'm typing, not as you're reading this... but odds are good I'm doing it then too.

I wish there was a moral to this story, but that's all I got.

Happy-ish times

2008-02-26T09:21:00.000-08:00

I had a short reprieve from my sinus infection. Now I have a pinched nerve. Whooo! Ah, the curveballs of life. Doesn't God know I have plans? Grrr.

The weather has cleared up again and it's not freezing outside. The sun is shining and it's a glorious day. So why do I feel so isolated? It might be because all of my friends are 3 hours away by car. It could be that I'm not putting myself out there enough at meetings or just in general. Possibly I am being too picky on whom I could consider a friend.

I love my husband dearly but I really don't want to depend on him to be my everything. That's a lot of pressure for one person, and as some of you might know: it never works out well. So I feel the need to find friends. I know that it's going to take time and will just happen eventually any way. But I. Want. Some. Friends. Now! Preferably a best friend who totally gets me and has exactly the same interests.

*Sigh*

Ok, back to reality. The reality is I'm lonely. The reality about that is it's totally understandable, even expected to some degree. And that real, true friendships take time and that's that. Did I really think a sunny disposition and a moderately decent sense of humor would have me crowned Miss Central Coast Popularity by now? Maybe a little...

Truth is, I want to be rescued from this feeling. I don't want to have it and I'd like some one to fix me immediately. That's a real problem, that I'd like some one else to step in and make changes instead of taking responsibility. No one is going to wave a magic wand and *poof* some friends into existence for me.

The good news is, I took matters into my own hands about finding a newcomer to work with. I now have a sponsee up here which is awesome. We are going to meet on the first step on Friday. As usual, I am being given what I need exactly when I need it.

Having said all that, I would still call these happy times. I am in a good place every other way than the friend thing. And remembering that that is a temporary situation is essential. I'm not really in a position to complain.

The clouds parted...

2008-02-21T09:26:00.000-08:00

...and the angels sang! I can breathe! Praise to the heavens! My nasal passages are 85% clear and I am finally receiving enough oxygen.

I have been sick since Sunday. Achy, stuffy, generally miserable. I watched TV, stayed in my jammies and wallowed in my illness for foggy days and sleepless nights. I saw the doctor yesterday and she gave me antibiotics which I took immediately, like a junkie getting a fix.

I woke this morning to the realization that I was breathing and my mouth was closed! Joyous, joyous occasion. Hey maybe you don't mind mouth-breathing but I find it very uncomfortable. I think I can thank my older cousins for that. I was told that if I had my mouth open during sleep, a virtual stampede of bugs would make a bee-line for my uvula. To this day I grind my teeth with the effort of keeping a tight mouth-seal while I otherwise peacefully slumber. Thanks for the TMJ, Danah!!

But anyways! I'm so grateful to feel clearheaded. It feels like spring in my sinuses, yay.

Ok now I'm just having too much fun

2008-02-16T16:51:00.001-08:00

My husband drew a picture for me to paint and this is the resulting work of art. I don't have a name for it, or know what it means.

But who cares? I got to get paint on my face and feel all artist-y.

I haven't been doing a lot of reading lately so it wasn't a big sacrifice when the Artist's Way put a weeklong ban on reading. I thought I wasn't going to be strict about it since I wasn't reading any way but I have found that I've been very resistant to breaking "the ban" even when I've had a lot of time on my hands.

Instead I've been creating things. Not anything big or important but I feel like I'm building up some muscles I haven't used for 20 years. Kids like to draw, paint, sing and dance because that stuff is fun. So why do we stop doing it when we grow up? I have decided that I will allow myself to do fun stuff, even when I don't know the "rules."

Don't you want to do that too? What's stopping you? If you are doing it, I want to hear about it. If you're not... why?

I made something else!

2008-02-15T10:41:00.001-08:00

I hope every one had a nice Valentine's day... or a crappy one if that's your thing. Hey, to each their own. I am a holiday loving fool and I'm fine with it. It was our first married V-day and it was very nice.

First of all, we watched then end of the Laker game from the night before and they looked great. Totally killed the Timberwolves. That was the morning.

Then I went to work at the store.

When I got home, my hubby had made dinner and bought me red roses. And he got a haircut. Very handsome!

I made him a foam rubber monkey with a nice little note in back. (see picture above)

What did you do?

I made something!

2008-02-13T22:20:00.000-08:00

Have you ever heard of a punch needle? Well I hadn't. But apparently it's a tool that one uses to make kitsch. I punch needled and embroidered my little heart out today. It was fun.

Don't be surprised if you get one of these from me for Christmas. Fair warning has been given.

Who's in charge?

2008-02-11T08:49:00.000-08:00

It's been almost a full week since I departed from my half-my-lifetime job. I was really there almost half my life!! So it's bound to be an adjustment, how many times do I have to go over that in my own head?

I had this dream two mornings ago that I was in Godiva, buying gifts. I don't usually allow myself the chocolates there, that's why I know they were for some one else. When I went to ring out, the woman told me that I could have another truffle box free since I was buying two already. But since I didn't have anyone to give them to, I was freaking out about getting them because I'd probably eat them myself.

That was pretty much the end of the dream and I didn't think anything of it until, as I was writing my morning pages, the phrase "kid in a candy store" popped into my head. Which is a fairly decent description of my life right now. I am like a kid in a candy store. There are so many possibilities, and I am giddy with choice. At the same time, I want so desperately to make the right decisions.

Instead of focusing on the negativity that I seem to be able to find in everything, I am going to direct my thinking toward the positive. This is a great opportunity for me to find out who I really am, and what I really like. So I'm going to take it as that. Even while I suffer from minor freak outs.

Saturday morning was tough on me. I was on the edge of a panic attack and only a little deep breathing kept it at bay. I realized I hadn't really done any processing with my husband on my leaving my job and the repercussions of that decision. I needed his input. My leaving AT&T affects me the most, but him second. And I was beginning to try to read his mind to see how he felt. And since I can find negativity anywhere, guess what I thought he was thinking?

But I was wrong. He's happy for me and doesn't regret our decisions. So that was a great relief. This is a very different situation than I ever thought I'd be in. I didn't have much hope that I could be happy, that I could do anything but barely survive and get out of this life without inflicting too much damage or having too much pain.

Thank God I'm not in charge.

Defying Gravity

2008-02-06T08:05:00.000-08:00

I signed my resignation papers yesterday. I am officially out of the gravitational pull of the phone company. It's obviously a little strange. Thirteen years is a long time to do anything, especially because I identified myself by my employment for so long. More recently, I had made a concious effort to avoid thinking of myself as an AT&T drone only, and to focus on the other things I did that validated me.

Because, honestly, how sad is it to base your entire worth for breathing on something that you're kinda miserable about doing? Plus, I've known for some time that I would be moving on from there. So, having learned that it's important to have healthy replacements for new vacancies in my life, I have been thinking about being a friend, a wife, an artist. A butterfly chaser... what ever!

My friend Tianana just started her own blog, called "Spread Your Wings" and I feel today that is speaking directly to me. I am completely and totally ready to be happily surprised by what is in store for me. I am as prepared as I'm going to get, although I'll never stop working on myself. I feel free, joyful and even a little proud. Walking away from a job like that is something I never thought I'd do.

In one way it's the riskiest thing I've ever done! In another, it's also just behind getting sober as far as taking care of myself, and allowing myself to find out who I actually am.

In other news, I went to Burbank over the weekend and it was pretty cool. It was like I never left, and I did more talking in the 3 days I was there than I had the whole previous month. I saw many (but not all) of the people I wanted to see. And in the end, I couldn't wait to come home to Atascadero...

Ain't that a trip?

I might be lying but...

2008-02-02T10:27:00.000-08:00

...I don't think I've ever been away from Burbank for an entire month. Of course, it's like I never left. Nothing is different, and I certainly haven't changed much.

It was really nice to see my girlfriends last night. We had a great time and I talked more last night than I have in, well, a month. They are so beautiful and wonderful. One of them is about 6 weeks pregnant and she broke the news, so it was a particularly joyous occasion.

I didn't cry like I thought I might, I missed them but I haven't felt like they were completely out of reach. I realize what a difference face time makes, but also that true friends seldom fall out of touch completely. And I have been emailing and IMing and actually making a few phone calls too. Some women I've talked to more since I left than I ever did when I lived right by them!

I'm going out this morning with my friend from elementary school and then we're going to see a play tonight with another friend. I have a pretty full schedule while I'm down here and I'm happy and grateful for that!

Visiting home

2008-01-30T09:30:00.000-08:00

It's so weird, in two days we're going to be paying a visit to Burbank. You all know the story: I grew up there, I've never lived anywhere else. The transition is easier than I thought it was going to be. It's amazing how adaptable humans are to their conditions.

I don't know how I'm going to feel, if I am going to want to stay there for as long as possible or if I'm going to be itching to come back to SLO county. I'm starting to feel like home is really where my husband and dog are. That geography doesn't have anything to do with that feeling of comfort and security.

I am excited to see my girlfriends and family, but that's pretty much the only reason I can think of to go back to Burbank now. I have found reasonable substitutes for all the things I do, which honestly isn't much: AA meetings, Weight Watchers meetings, exercise classes, grocery shopping. Um, I guess I live a pretty simple life. I like it!

I have been doing a lot of art projects, nothing fancy just paint-by-number kinds of stuff. But I've created some things I am proud of, and look at this as a stepping stone to original art. On the recommendation of Kate I started reading/doing The Artist's Way, a book by Julia Cameron. If you're at all interested in being creative, I would suggest picking it up. I have had a few friends simply rave about their experience with this workbook.

I am working at Good Nite Mattress part time and just put in an application at Weight Watchers. I'm hoping to be successful at the former, and we'll see what happens with the latter. Whatever my employment situation is, I am almost positive that it will be more satisfying/fulfilling/enjoyable and less draining than working in the Glendale frame.

I'm also learning how to manage and balance my time in a less structured environment. There's a trick to it, which involves initiative and self-discipline. I haven't exactly figured it all out, but I'm pretty satisfied with my attempts thus far. I know I still have a long way to go with all this, my journey to a different kind of life has hardly begun!

A good meeting is hard to find

2008-01-27T18:39:00.000-08:00

I have found some really nice people in "north county" SLO at AA meetings. And after about 7 meetings and being handed 4 anonymous phone lists, two women in Atascadero gave me their numbers personally. Most people say welcome to me in their shares, but not many women come up after meetings to shake my hand.

While I am getting the recovery out of the meetings, I am not really feeling any fellowship. Now I know this is not all every one else's fault. It's my job to put myself out there. I do try, I am just not vibing on any one.

So today I got up early and drove to San Luis Obispo and went to the Melody Group. Wow. Big difference. Which was nice because I was starting to believe that maybe it was all me. But people came up to me, women threw their numbers at me and insisted I call them. I got invited back and told they couldn't wait to meet my sober husband.

It was almost like being in Burbank.

What?! I said almost! Nothing will ever compare to my experience at the Burbank group, and no one will ever replace my girl troops. But I definitely need to build up some friendly faces around here.

That being said, I am very excited for our visit to Burbank at the end of this week. I am stoked, what with coffee with the girls and the Super Bowl, not to mention the chance to go to my favoritest ever meeting, the women's Tuesday night. I will also hopefully get a chance to see my cousin and her little family.

I never took my experience of living in Burbank for granted, and I'm happy to not have any regrets about leaving. It was great to live there, good shopping, fabulous friends, great AA. I do miss those things, but I'm still happy we're here.

Sold a bed!

2008-01-25T14:08:00.000-08:00

Oh my goodness I just sold a bed. It was the easiest sale ever but I was very nervous. I am still shaking from the experience.

Being an avid shopper, I have many times seen my card be swiped and even swiped it a few times myself. But never before have I swiped some one else's card. I'm so grateful I didn't screw it up. It's practically foolproof, but hey. It's the little things right?

Dude. I'm a salesperson. That's crazy.

Ok I'm done, just thought I'd share.

Soapbox moment

2008-01-23T08:29:00.000-08:00

I was literally born in Hollywood. I went to school in Burbank, which is a studio town. They shot Wonder Years at my high school, and the girl in my geometry class had a sitcom. I actually married a child actor (when he grew up, of course).

What I'm trying to say is: I know that being in "the industry" is not all glamour shots and gala parties. The bloom fell off the rose for me a long time ago as far as all that goes. I've met too many transplants who have come to Hollywood to be some one, to just end up waiting tables and just plain waiting.

The media is riveted on celebrities and their DUI's, jail time and nightclub shenanigans. I try not to pay attention, and I still know that Lindsay is a chronic relapser, and that Kiefer just got released from his little stint in jail. The press obviously thinks it's great that these people are dealing with the deadly disease of alcoholism.

Well, it's all fun & games 'til some one dies. And this week two very young people did just that. One guy you might not know, Brad Renfro, was 25. The other, who had gained quite a bit of stardom over the last few years, Heath Ledger, was 28. Listen, I'm not one for social commentary of any kind, but let me stand on my soapbox for a minute.

It's sad that alcoholism is still something to be laughed at, that the general public thinks it's delicious to see an obviously wasted celebutante slumped over in a car, passed out. It's awful that some one can't walk into a rehab with out 500 paparazzo documenting their every move. I can't claim to know how they feel, but when I went into rehab I was not feeling like getting my picture taken.

If you are suffering with the disease of alcoholism, know that help is always always always just a phone call away. Remember these two young men that died so that maybe you don't have to. I hate to be all melodramatic but this is a life-threatening disease.

Obviously, I'm feeling grief from the deaths of two people I didn't even know. That's because I feel that I (and many people I know and love) have escaped that same kind of end. It's too bad that two young men had to die, but there's no reason we can't take something away from their deaths. Maybe we can feel gratitude that we've made it this far, and hope that if we stay sober there is a solution to any and all problems we have.

Good Nite Mattress

2008-01-19T09:22:00.000-08:00

I am learning how to sell mattresses. It doesn't seem to be all that complex of a deal.

However. Like many things that appear to be simple, there is definitely an art to it. I want to learn this art! I find myself desiring to be not just a mattress-hawker but a true sleep specialist. I am not being sarcastic.

This experience is really helping to expose my desire for excellence. I somewhere in my mind had realized long ago that I am a perfectionist, that I want excel at any and all things that I try. And more importantly, that I tend to give up on things that I don't excel at or perfect right away.

I'm going to attempt to be patient and self-accepting with my mistakes, blunders and general newness to the situation. Both Gabe and his partner believe that I will eventually be very good at selling mattresses. I have faith in myself too, but I like it that they seem so sure since they know more about it.

Last night I sat in the store all by myself, ready to sell, sell, sell. I was only alone there for an hour and a half, and we were pretty sure no one would come in. But the point is: I was prepared to give it a shot, without being completely sure of myself.

Being willing to make a mistake or look foolish is a new thing for me (some of you might identify with this). So I'm very excited about my "bravery" last night. Hopefully I can continue in this mode of thinking and experiencing and let things flow naturally instead of turning into Mrs. Type A personality.

But hey, while we're on the topic... Wanna buy a bed?

Wonderland

2008-01-16T16:07:00.000-08:00

No, this is not another ode to my new place.

I'm referring to the book Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass. Why? Oh why can't I read this book? I want to. It's just not grabbing me. I'm not dying to know the ending. I could really care less. Why is that weird?

Because I LOVE other Alice fiction. I read a book called Automated Alice by Jeff Noon that was very fun, and I've read several different Alice interpretation-type books the titles of which are not coming to mind right now. I thought, "Hey I should read the classic story. It's a wonder I never did before??"

Well, I stopped wondering because I realize that I've tried to read Alice before and always quit. I just don't like it. I want to like it, desperately. I know you bibliophiles feel me. In some odd way, if I could just read this book my have-read list will be greatly enhanced.

The whole reason this comes up is because I recently purchased The Looking Glass Wars by Frank Beddor. I had a harmless thought that reading the original Carroll version might be a fine thing to do before I tried this new one. Maybe it could enhance my reading pleasure. You know, like how knowing The Wizard of Oz helped me love love love Wicked.

Wrong, wrong and wrong again. Being a huge book reader, practically a speed reader, I can finish a pretty long book in 48 hours and still live a semi-normal life. 24 hours if I want to be a leeeeetle obsessive. Yet alas! I have been completely conquered by this slim volume.

Do you hate Alice too? Or am I a complete retard, unable to appreciate fine art?

No Internet

2008-01-15T12:23:00.000-08:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! How in the world do people live with out internet at their fingertips every second of every day. I don't think I'm being funny either. See this face? Not laughing.
It especially blows if you're new to an area and don't even know where the library is. And the phone company isn't as vigilant as they used to be delivering the big, paper phone books. Do they even still do that?

Why am I asking you? I should probably know that already.

Anyway! We didn't have internet for a day and a half (insert AT&T customer service rant here)and it was difficult to function. Not to mention I spent most of Saturday and Sunday freaking out. I felt useless and like I wasn't doing anything. Which is actually what I'm supposed to be doing. I've actually been assigned to relax and follow my bliss. But can I just do that? Noooo.

So I whined to my husband. And he made some loving suggestions, which basically involved getting my head out of my bum and using the tools of Alcoholics Anonymous. Duh.

And I did! I wrote on Sunday night and went to an AA meeting Monday morning. I talked to a friend who made even more good suggestions. I did an exercise class last night and went to Weight Watchers this morning. I played some Wii, and gave myself permission to do a lot of that in the next few weeks.

It's hard to allow myself some freedom. I know what I would be doing if I were off in Burbank. I'd be making dates with all my gals and seeing them all day and going to the classes I normally attend and hitting the library and the shops. But that's all run, run, running. Here I am being gently guided to a slower pace, that involves less doing and more being. I like that, and I'm interested to see who I am with out all the activities I used to identify myself.

Oh goody, more pictures.

2008-01-12T09:24:00.001-08:00

So I'm sure you're sick of me talking about the house by now. But here's what the living room looks like with furniture in it. And that's all I'll say about that for a while.

Having no routine is not my style. I'm a nervous nelly and like to have things planned out to the hilt. (Like if you're reading this you don't know that already!)This freestyle living is a little nerve-racking for me at times. The furor of moving has died down, and the frenetic "let's get things in order" pace is slowing. Hence, I am being left alone with myself, my thoughts, and my **FEELINGS**.

Cue scary Jaws music.

I am happy to say that my head is not quite the scary place it used to be. Still, I don't spend a lot of time there. I'm trying to be of service to my husband and keep busy doing little things. Also, I'm trying to just relax. Breathe. Enjoy the moment, the fact that I'm not working. This is a temporary situation so I might as well milk it for every ounce I can get.

It's not to say that I'm not freaked out about probably losing my job. It's just that there's nothing I can really do about it. Gabe and I talked and talked and talked this over, we figured out what was best for us as a family, and made our decisions based on that.

I really appreciate all the help and support I am getting from my girls. I feel the love vibes they are sending my way. Last night there was a party for one of the ladies I hold dear. I thought I might be way bummed that I wasn't there, but I did fine. Hey, we made a good choice for our future. And not making every single party is a small price to pay for the direction my life is taking now.

Good Morning

2008-01-10T08:41:00.001-08:00

I call it "Sunrise on my Lawn"

It's crazy that there's so much greenery here. When I drive around, I'm surrounded by weird foliage everywhere. And rolling hills. That are green. I didn't know people could still live in places like this. We have this view north that I can't get my camera to take a good picture of.

That's why we can't wait to have guests. We miss every one and it will be nice to have little pieces of Burbank come up to stay the night. Plus we want them to come and experience the little serenity station we have up on our little hill-bump.

Funny, everyone here recoils in horror when I tell them I'm from Burbank. My hometown has certainly gotten a bad rap up here somehow. I guess it's the traffic and noise. 'Cause seriously, up here, I got off the freeway at about 5:15 pm onto the MAIN street in Paso Robles and I was in traffic for about, oh, 35 seconds. That is the only time I've seen more than 3 cars clustered together in any place here.

I'm certainly NOT complaining. Come on, every one hates traffic and feeling crowded. I haven't felt like it's too rustic or country here. Okay, shopping's not the same as the Galleria but they do have a Target which is practically all I need. And if I really need something high priced I can just go to San Luis Obispo.

Now if I could just shake the feeling that I'm on vacation. I think if I was going to work every day I would feel much more like this is really happening. It's funny how the grass is always greener. When I'm working I just can't wait to get out of there. When I'm not working, I wish they'd call and give me a freakin' job.

The Kitchen

2008-01-06T00:29:00.001-08:00

One room completely done! Dude, the kitchen is rad. It makes me want to bake something.

This is a lot of fun. Gabe and I are running around like chickens with our heads cut off, unpacking boxes and exchanging decorating ideas. We keep mentioning how it feels like we're just on vacation.

We have this little sanctuary we're building. I spent a gajillion dollars today at Target, buying house stuff. Even though I'm taking half of it back, it was certainly a lot of fun making color & fabric choices.

This is all kind of unreal. Both Gabe and I are very interested in how I'm going to react to moving so far from everything I knew my whole life. I keep getting these little reminders we're not in Kansas anymore but I think having a comfortable home is going to be very conducive to me being content in this new environment.

Having my husband and dog here is very calming, obviously.

But! I realize that this is a "stressful" event. And I'm not getting away totally unscathed. My face is breaking out and I am beginning to recognize a low level of anxiety. Thankfully there's plenty to do so I never have to be idle unless I'm sleeping. Or posting a blog.

Ahhh-tascadero

2008-01-04T14:53:00.000-08:00

We made it, just ahead of a massive rainstorm. All our stuff is in our house, and many boxes are already unpacked. We have functional bathrooms and a kitchen. We're thinking about decorations and furniture placement.

I love this house!

I don't even know what to say about the house except I've never lived in a place this great. Gabe did a great job finding this home for us.

As far as emotional temperatures go, I seem to be doing ok. I'm in a little bit of a daze, I don't think I can wrap my head around this process. I will have to take my feelings and challenges as they come and I'm looking forward to it. Gabe seems to be ok, but he's moved a long distance before. Rammie is not exactly a fan of this whole moving thing but she'll be all right.

Watch out Central Coast! The Lavezzi family has landed!

Happy New Year